sadI do not have a library card because I grew up poor—very, very, After-School Special poor, cockroaches in my bedroom and scavenging from trashcans poor—and I was badly bullied by the kids in my school, leading, eventually, to a group of girls stealing and destroying my library books. I couldn't pay the fines. I couldn't even tell anyone what had happened, because when the scruffy little poor girl complained about the sweet, well-groomed rich kids who had each others' backs, well...I had been down that road. The only people who would believe me were my mother and my teachers, and all I could do by telling them was upset them. I couldn't change anything.
I'm not that girl anymore. But the idea of getting a library card terrifies me, because some small, irrational part of me is convinced, incurably, that if I were to get a library card, those girls from school would show up, and slap my books out of my hands, and leave me standing alone on the sidewalk, sobbing over the loss of one of the things I loved most in the world: the ability to walk into a library with my head up, feeling like the books were free for anybody who wanted to read them.
The library books weren't the worst thing that happened to me during my school career. I was weird, I was geeky, I had frizzy hair and glasses and didn't really "get" a lot of the unspoken rules of the playground. I blew grade curves and didn't let people cheat off me on tests. I was basically invented to be the school punching-bag. But the library books were one of the things I never got over, because the library books taught me, once and for all, that sometimes the bullies win. Sometimes, you can't fight back, you can't stand up for yourself like the adults tell you to, and the bullies. Just. Win.
Phoebe Prince lost, too. But she's never going to be a grown-up, secure from bullies, writing a post like this one. Because she lost to the bullies so hard and so overwhelmingly that she killed herself.
Megan Kelly Hall is organizing YA authors against bullying, in memory of Phoebe Prince. Please. Go and read what she has to say. Consider what the current culture of bullying is doing to us, to our children, to our nieces and nephews, to the children of our friends. Even bullying that you survive can scar you forever, and Phoebe isn't the first to take her own life over this sort of thing. It's gotten so much worse than it was when I was in school, and I cried myself to sleep for years over the bullying.
This needs to stop. We need to stop it.
Please.
April 20 2010, 17:13:07 UTC 7 years ago
Part of the reason we have my daughter in the school she attends is because we wanted to minimize her chances of facing the kind of bullying my husband and I faced as kids. Mine was mostly emotional, though his was the mixed emotional and physical. Between uniforms, higher behavioral expectations, a high percentage of gifted kids, and a very bullying-intolerant culture at her school, our bet seems to be paying off. I'm sure things won't be quite as rosy there in the middle school years (starting next year), but they will undoubtedly be better than at the other local schools. We really hope we can get our toddler into the same school when she hits first grade.
I was the weirdo growing up who was always reading (gee, there's a lot of us on Seanan's flist *chuckle*). I got my glasses in 5th grade, but they were never really an issue.
The middle school years were the worst for me, between the boys on the buses and the girls' social cliques. I don't think I would have survived high school if it weren't for being accepted to and attending a magnet high school. Between the bullying, general social atmosphere, and untreated bipolar disorder, I really doubt I would have managed at my base high school.
There was a girl in 6th grade who teased me because I wasn't wearing a bra yet. I had absolutely no need to, so of course I wasn't. Joke's on her. I'm an F cup now ;-)
April 23 2010, 14:41:41 UTC 7 years ago