Why authors have agents.: seanan

Why authors have agents.

I have, in fact, discovered the single best reason for an author to have an agent. Namely:

Your agent won't think you're crazy.

I think a lot. I mean, no matter what else I'm doing at any given point in time, the odds are pretty good that I'm thinking. As I write this, I'm thinking about, well, writing this; I'm thinking about Discount Armageddon, which I've started outlining; I'm thinking about Lycanthropy and Other Personal Issues, which I'm planning to work on tonight; I'm thinking about the song that's stuck in my head; I'm thinking about processing edits in Newsflesh; I'm thinking about packing for the weekend. All these many, many trains of thought are running at the same time, and while the conductors in my head are pretty good about keeping to the timetable, there's always the chance that some switch is going to get thrown wrong, and the wrong train is going to hit the station.

For the most part, I've learned not to answer 'how are you?' with 'I think Moira married an incubus' or 'if viral amplification was underway when the body was put into cryogenic suspension, what would happen when you thawed the person out?'. Note the use of the words 'for the most part.' When Chris asked me what I thought of Hellboy II, I looked at him with deep and bone-searing sorrow, and replied "Evening* has the wrong hair color." That's just how it goes sometimes.

Conversations with my agent are different, because my agent understands that I, as a writer, am in some ways a little bit to the left of 'normally sane.' So when she says 'how are you?' and I reply 'you can totally apply ballroom dancing to demon hunting!', she says 'that's awesome!' instead of 'perhaps it's time to stop the Masters of Horror marathons.' Now, it's true that sometimes, she needs to summon me back to the world of linear thought long enough to answer serious questions, like 'when can you give me a manuscript?' or 'do you really think it's a good idea to start another series right now?', but it's not a judgment, it's a business need.

My agent is the person who, at the end of the day, doesn't mind the fact that I don't need a segue to start explaining the mating habits of the North American Yeti (messy), the rules of succession in fae politics (messier), or the patterns of Kellis-Amberlee incubation in a closed population (messiest). She throws herself on that conversational grenade daily, for the good of all the rest of you.

How I adore her.

(*A character in Rosemary and Rue. You'll all get to meet her when you read my book. So much will make sense when you read my book. Like why I twitch so much.)

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seanan_mcguire

August 6 2008, 19:30:38 UTC 8 years ago

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Absolutely agreed: shower scene for the total win. I adore those characters, and that movie.

I'm glad you like it here! I have a fun time writing for it, so everybody wins.

lluad

August 6 2008, 18:49:50 UTC 8 years ago

Well, I think "if viral amplification was underway when the body was put into cryogenic suspension, what would happen when you thawed the person out?" is a much more interesting answer to "how are you?" than the more mainstream answers.

Maybe that's just me. Or maybe I'd make a good agent...

More likely an "Agent for Evil" than an "Agent for Books", though.

August 6 2008, 19:31:21 UTC 8 years ago

I think it's more that sometimes, people really want to know what I want for dinner, not what I think Toby's up to. Linearity is oddly in vogue right now.

ayoub

August 6 2008, 19:07:32 UTC 8 years ago

She's awesome! Wanna share? ;)

August 6 2008, 19:32:37 UTC 8 years ago

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...nope. I think I'm sufficiently exhausting that excessive sharing might lead to her having me put to sleep for her own peace of mind.

August 6 2008, 20:11:56 UTC 8 years ago

LOL! :D

August 6 2008, 20:31:15 UTC 8 years ago

I enjoy being alive.

August 6 2008, 20:35:28 UTC 8 years ago

Yes... I would much rather you stay alive, too!

August 9 2008, 16:41:01 UTC 8 years ago

Thank you!

dornbeast

August 6 2008, 19:44:05 UTC 8 years ago

Just out of curiosity, what is viral amplification? Wikipedia doesn't seem to know, and Google turns up scientific papers which seem to assume that the reader already knows.

August 6 2008, 19:47:29 UTC 8 years ago

When a virus first invades your body, it has a relatively small number of viral bodies to play with. Anywhere from hundreds to just one or two. Those viral bodies will do their best to become entrenched and start breeding, while your immune system does its best to fight them off.

If the virus is able to become established enough to hit 'infection' -- the stage where no, really, you're sick, sorry -- it'll start reproducing at a really epic rate. This is why sometimes you go from 'tickle in your throat' to 'walking death plague' in a matter of hours. Your personal viral colony managed to hit amplification levels, and just exploded.

Viral baby boom!

popfiend

August 7 2008, 02:05:35 UTC 8 years ago

Thank you for sharing this.

I have several pro writers as friends and you have completely described their thought processes.

I understand them not because I am an agent or a writer, but just because I am weird.

:)

August 9 2008, 16:41:30 UTC 8 years ago

We bring the crazy because it's our cuddly loving friend. Also because somebody has to.

deire

August 7 2008, 02:20:23 UTC 8 years ago

OOoooh. I think that the viral amplification would take up right where it left off, but NOW it would have a nicely weakened body to whomp on. Your defenses would be diminished. Viruses are too simple to be all that affected. Your immune system is complex enough for cryo to whack it a good one. It would be...an awesome--Evil. Evil thing to do to a new colony on a new planet. Evil. Yep. And I am not tempted to evil. No, really. :hopeful look: Are you tempted to evil?

August 9 2008, 16:50:57 UTC 8 years ago

I'm always tempted to evil!

amanda_nye

August 7 2008, 05:50:13 UTC 8 years ago

*grin* she sounds great

August 9 2008, 16:51:07 UTC 8 years ago

She is.

vixyish

August 7 2008, 16:44:47 UTC 8 years ago

Somewhat tangentially, I'm now amused at the thought of a new measurement scale for messiness. Additional points on the scale would need to be added, and people could measure things by them.

"Yeah, it was a pretty bad breakup."
"How bad?"
"Well, it wasn't Kellis-Amberlee Incubation or anything, but it was way beyond Yeti Mating Habits, I tell you what."

August 9 2008, 16:51:20 UTC 8 years ago

...do NOT tempt me...

talithakalago

August 10 2008, 02:16:37 UTC 8 years ago

I have to agree.

Though, usually my agent is a sounding board to see if I'm crazy yet. Something along the lines of:

Me: "Is it a problem if I have a scene in a YA where a child is opperated on without any kind of pain killers? Also, can I say bastard?"

Thankfully my agent knows me, so her first response to this is usually: "Don't say bastard. Is there pus involved in the surgery?"

August 12 2008, 15:30:34 UTC 8 years ago

...that is fabulous.

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