(Please note that I am not defending Ponyville, home of the current My Little Pony line. The denizens of Ponyland would have beat down these little pink pretenders all the way to the glue factory, where they would doubtless be rendered into cheap, glittery paste that didn't actually hold anything together for very long. No. I'm talking about the originals, the Ponies that started with Megan and Firefly and expanded to encompass Spike and Wind Whistler, and oh, it was one hell of a time...)
Girl's toys tend to be pink, and pastel, and visible from space. Girl's toys tend to be anthropomorphic, and look more like cartoons than human beings. Girl's toys tend to be short on projectile weapons and high on castles and the trappings of a romantic fairy tale past that never really existed. These aren't things that most girls get a say in; that's just the way the toys come. And yes, that's what some little girls want, while other little girls would be a lot happier if they were allowed to play with the He-Man guys once in a while. I was fairly equal-opportunity as a kid—I'd play with anything—but my true passion was reserved for the infinitely expanding stable that contained the My Little Pony world.
My first Ponies were Cotton Candy, a pink horse with white speckles on her rear and pink hair, and Minty, a green horse with clover markings and white hair. Minty wound up getting her tail braided by my grandmother (something I allowed almost no one to do, ever), and became the My Little Pony housekeeping service, because she could use her tail to sweep the floors. The herd sort of exploded from there, growing to overflow shelves, fill a large trunk, and generally make me the darling girl of Hasbro's Marketing Department. If they made it, I wanted it. My room was a sea of pink. And yet...
See, during the 1980s, people were so worried about violence in cartoons aimed at boys that they kept all the censors busy watching GI Joe and Masters of the Universe. No one was paying attention to what was happening over on My Little Pony and Friends. Let's start with the special, wherein a pink pegasus named Firefly crossed the rainbow to kidnap a farmgirl named Megan in order to save the rest of the Ponies. Save them from what?
THE DEVIL.
Because, you see, THE DEVIL was harassing the Ponies, largely by kidnapping them and turning them into GIANT FUCKING EVIL DRAGONS. Once they were GIANT FUCKING EVIL DRAGONS, they would go kidnap more Ponies, so that THE DEVIL could turn them into GIANT FUCKING EVIL DRAGONS. His plan, once he had enough GIANT FUCKING EVIL DRAGONS, was to unleash his sack o' dark shit that, y'know, was bad-ass enough to turn magical teleporting unicorns into GFEDs, and bring about eternal midnight. Also, evil. Also, did we mention that the sparkly pink horses were fighting THE DEVIL?
After the My Little Ponies made their entrance by kicking the ass of THE DEVIL, they went on to fight against the evil witches who lived in the Mountain of Gloom. They, like many people, only saw the fact that the Ponies were pink, and never bothered to ask themselves how insanely badass something would have to be to have that little natural camouflage and yet still survive to procreate. My Little Ponies, like poison arrow tree frogs, are brightly colored for a reason, and that reason is to provide an immediate and easily visible warning of the fact that if you mess with them, they will FUCK YOUR SHIT UP.
The witches unleash the Smooze. The Smooze is like "Yo, I am coming to FUCK EVERYONE UP." The Smooze makes its case by eating the Rainbow of Light, which was previously used to defeat, as you may recall, THE DEVIL. So the Smooze is also pretty badass, and messes solidly with the normal "frolic, nap, frolic" schedule in Ponyland. The surviving Ponies travel to Flutter Valley, where they meet up with the Flutter Ponies, who look like they should be easy to kill with a fly-swatter (and are thus, naturally, the baddest badasses in the world). The following occurs:
MEGAN: Rosedust, Queen of the Flutter Ponies, the Smooze fucked everyone up.
ROSEDUST: Sucks to be you.
MEGAN: Please come fuck the Smooze up.
ROSEDUST: No.
MEGAN: Guess we'll just live here, then.
ROSEDUST: Let's fuck up some Smooze!
Then here's a musical number, and then? Smooze-fucking. Big fun.
The cartoon went on from there, and taught an entire generation of girls that it was okay to be pink and pretty and also FUCK SHIT UP. My Little Pony was like Gormenghast with frills. The boys got bloodless battles and exploding helicopters and moral lessons, and bad guys who never went away. My Little Pony got THE FUCKING DEVIL. And anybody they beat down? Stayed beat down.
My Little Pony is FUCKING METAL, yo.
(Also, for a laugh, check out My Little Demon. I have way too many of these hanging in my house.)
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March 25 2010, 18:51:10 UTC 7 years ago
March 25 2010, 18:55:44 UTC 7 years ago
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March 25 2010, 18:52:50 UTC 7 years ago
I always assume that Pink is evil and not to be trusted, its the color of oppression.
March 25 2010, 18:56:23 UTC 7 years ago
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March 25 2010, 18:56:36 UTC 7 years ago
My first MLP was Moondancer, the white unicorn with the purple-and-fuschia mane and tail and the moon and star markings. Cuz dude, horse with a spear on the end.
All my old MLP stuff is long gone, but a couple of years back, a friend found me an original Moondancer, and she is safe and sound in my bedroom. I love My Little Ponies, too. (And I hate the color pink.)
March 25 2010, 19:07:05 UTC 7 years ago
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March 25 2010, 18:57:49 UTC 7 years ago
I had about 200 of them, too. I still have most of them, somewhere. Loved them SO much.
March 25 2010, 19:10:11 UTC 7 years ago
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March 25 2010, 18:57:50 UTC 7 years ago
I wonder if they're in the back of one of my mom's closets...
March 25 2010, 19:10:35 UTC 7 years ago
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March 25 2010, 19:13:24 UTC 7 years ago
Have a wonderful time this weekend. Wish I were there.
March 25 2010, 19:01:45 UTC 7 years ago
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March 25 2010, 19:02:52 UTC 7 years ago
March 25 2010, 19:39:52 UTC 7 years ago
Don't worry. No evil purple goo is coming.
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March 25 2010, 19:10:28 UTC 7 years ago
I'm rather proud of this skill, but it is somehow not appreciated by the public at large.
March 25 2010, 19:41:49 UTC 7 years ago
I appreciate it.
March 25 2010, 19:14:12 UTC 7 years ago
My first Ponies were Cotton Candy, a pink horse with white speckles on her rear and pink hair, and Minty, a green horse with clover markings and white hair.
THOSE WERE MY FIRST TOO. And a purple one!! I can't remember the purple one now which is HORRIBLE because she was my FAVOURITE.
This post makes me so happy I can't even say. Thank you!
March 25 2010, 19:15:57 UTC 7 years ago
That was Blossom.
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March 25 2010, 19:20:40 UTC 7 years ago
Not very successfully.
But that was the idea.
Also:
[It's] okay to be pink and pretty and also FUCK SHIT UP.
I kind of think you just defined Femme for me, right there.
Nicely done. :-)
March 25 2010, 21:26:54 UTC 7 years ago
March 25 2010, 19:21:30 UTC 7 years ago
I also for a time tried to collect all of Starflower's twins (IE unicorn ponies made in the same mold, thus striking the same pose). I think I have about 3 or 4 of those, but while they're pretty, my old ones with the cut hair always will be more close to my heart than the more recent aditions.
Never saw the TV show! Now you make me all curious...
March 25 2010, 19:28:25 UTC 7 years ago
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March 25 2010, 19:23:24 UTC 7 years ago
I am of the Davy Crockett - Mickey Mouse Club - Howdy Doody audience. Pathetic I know.
March 25 2010, 22:37:00 UTC 7 years ago
And I've seen the story. :)
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March 25 2010, 19:29:06 UTC 7 years ago
And no, I'm not 36, still holding on to my MLPs. {LIE!}
This post made me very happy! Thank you. :P
March 25 2010, 22:37:53 UTC 7 years ago
And everybody's Flutter Ponies broke their wings.
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March 25 2010, 19:29:57 UTC 7 years ago
AWESOME.
March 25 2010, 22:38:15 UTC 7 years ago
March 25 2010, 19:33:05 UTC 7 years ago
AngelVixen :-)
March 25 2010, 22:39:34 UTC 7 years ago
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March 25 2010, 22:40:16 UTC 7 years ago
PONIES!
March 25 2010, 19:56:17 UTC 7 years ago
That's all I have to say.
Also, I need to find those movies. I LOVED those movies.
Also, I was drowning in Ponies when I was little. I would give them mohwaks. I still do. The Christmas after we got married, Adam gave me an orange My Little Pony with pink hair, and I went ballistic with squeals. Then he gave me a Michelangelo TMNT action figure, and I was the happiest woman in the universe for a while.
Re: PONIES!
March 25 2010, 22:16:13 UTC 7 years ago
Re: PONIES!
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