Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: quixotic
  • Music: Talis Kimberley, "Time and Tide."

Time for another FAQ party!

This one comes in two parts. Part the first: The Toby Daye FAQ is looking a little thin on the ground, with very few questions directly relating to the books themselves. Please give the FAQ a glance, if you get the chance, and propose new questions? I want to get things cleaned up and updated. In, y'know, my copious spare time.

Part the second: The Horror Movie Survival FAQ is going to be moving to MiraGrant.com with the launch of the new site. I know, I know, it's a sad day. But it'll fit in better there, and I'll have a lot of really awesome opportunities to update and expand.

This means I need a new "silly" FAQ for my main site...and that's where today comes in. I'm going to do a Fairy Tale and Ballad Survival FAQ. Please propose questions, offer survival tips, whatever comes to mind, and I'll get started from there! Help protect a new generation of children from evil stepmothers, wicked witches, inexplicable beanstalks, and the dangers of gingerbread houses.

Sometimes my life is awesome.
Tags: common questions, fairy tale remix, requesting things, silliness, toby daye, website updates
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sheistheweather

March 25 2010, 15:58:43 UTC 7 years ago

Fairy Tale and Ballad Survival FAQ
--Don't be named Janet, Margeret, Jack, or Mary.
--Avoid golden balls at all costs.

ladymondegreen

March 25 2010, 16:43:00 UTC 7 years ago

I actually have a poem like this, called Fairy Tale First Aid Kit. Want me to send you (foxipher) a copy?

ladymondegreen

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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ladymondegreen

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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ladymondegreen

7 years ago

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sheistheweather

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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bercilakslady

March 25 2010, 16:02:29 UTC 7 years ago

If I think that I know my way around a fairy tale, and act accordingly when I find myself living one, am I ever going to be able to go home again?


seanan_mcguire

April 1 2010, 20:13:47 UTC 7 years ago

Answered!

silvertwi

March 25 2010, 16:02:29 UTC 7 years ago

Should I eat this [insert food here]?

(Thinking of things like Lord Randall, Snow White, etc.)

ladyfox7oaks

March 25 2010, 18:58:05 UTC 7 years ago

Pomegranate?

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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bercilakslady

March 25 2010, 16:04:47 UTC 7 years ago

Do I have to keep my promises?

seanan_mcguire

March 31 2010, 21:03:08 UTC 7 years ago

Answered!

hasufin

March 25 2010, 16:04:51 UTC 7 years ago

Can I eat the food?

I see an odd-looking man/woman in a crowd which no one else seems to see. Should I talk to him/her?

What is the best way to respond to a challenge offered by one of the fey?

How do I tell if my child has been replaced by a changeling?

Is there any way to get the issuers of obscure and meaningless warnings to tell me something useful?

seanan_mcguire

March 31 2010, 21:11:03 UTC 7 years ago

Answered!

hasufin

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

April 1 2010, 22:37:14 UTC 7 years ago

Answered!

And, um...I don't really know? I think it's a MediaWiki build. I have it on a thumb drive. I like it.

evaleastaristev

March 25 2010, 16:08:02 UTC 7 years ago

Fairy Tale and Ballad Survival FAQ
- That Tower you see in the distance? Avoid it. The likelihood that it contains a Witch is high.
- Minstrels will always get the story mostly wrong. It's all in the details.

mariadkins

March 25 2010, 17:10:04 UTC 7 years ago

"minstrels will always get the story mostly wrong" -- so when i read that all i heard in my head was "bravely ran sir robin!"

evaleastaristev

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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sweetmusic_27

March 25 2010, 16:09:39 UTC 7 years ago

Hey! I was thinking of putting gold in my hair and prancin' on down to Carterhaugh! Is that cool?

I gave this old person some of my lunch and s/he told me that I should go find some other old person and give THEM my lunch, too! WTF?

Somebody expects me to fight or marry a hideous giant but all I have is this stick that somebody gave me or I took from my mother's grave.

I have two siblings and they're both hotter and better off than me, but they went to seek their fortunes and never came back and my parents hate me! Should I go, too?

Help! I'm cursed to do something or be someone else during the night-time, like be a swan or dance until I've worn out my shoes!

seanan_mcguire

April 5 2010, 02:47:27 UTC 7 years ago

All answered. :)

unseenlibrarian

March 25 2010, 16:11:40 UTC 7 years ago

Q: Should I go anywhere near water ever?

A: No! Avoid Millponds, rushing waters, singing waters, haunted shores, the river wide, the river narrow, and god forbid, never bathe outdoors where someone might stumble across you. Water is the enemy.
For that matter, if you're a fairy bride with a weird ritual bathing restriction about your husband not being able to see you when you take a bath because you have a serpent's tail or something, get a -really good lock on the bathroom door.-

dragoness_e

March 26 2010, 03:30:54 UTC 7 years ago Edited:  March 26 2010, 03:31:08 UTC

I have Tiffany Achings' attitude about greenhags and other obnoxious water faerie--an iron skillet swung right at face height works wonders to discourage them.

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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britgeekgrrl

March 25 2010, 16:13:07 UTC 7 years ago

Heya luv,

Not heard from you but, then again, Twitter is hardly a reliable communication format.

Do you still want to do a CDTL thingummy? Drop me a line via johanna(dot)mead(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know. ;)

seanan_mcguire

March 29 2010, 15:16:48 UTC 7 years ago

Hallo! Quite possibly; I've been slammed and slow on responding to everyone, everywhere. I'll email you, and we can brainstorm where this might be do-able!

britgeekgrrl

7 years ago

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Things You Can't Control, And What To Do About It.

dornbeast

March 25 2010, 16:13:41 UTC 7 years ago

If you have two siblings of the same gender, and you aren't the youngest, try to be on good terms with all your family.

Women: If you are more beautiful than your mother or stepmother, don't flaunt it.

If there is a prophecy about you, do not do anything to prevent it until you've spoken to the people who will be affected.

Re: Things You Can't Control, And What To Do About It.

seanan_mcguire

April 5 2010, 20:32:06 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you!

markbernstein

March 25 2010, 16:15:34 UTC 7 years ago

When in fae lands:
- Whatever anyone offers you, the cost is too high
- If it looks cute, it's dangerous
- If he or she looks beautiful and seductive, he or she is dangerous
- If it looks like something you've always desired, DO NOT pick it up
- If it looks dangerous, it might be a bluff, but do you really want to take that chance?

seanan_mcguire

April 5 2010, 02:50:48 UTC 7 years ago

Incorporated, thank you.

cupcakery

March 25 2010, 16:21:27 UTC 7 years ago

- No matter which way you decided to take at the fork in the road, it's probably the wrong one.
- Iron is your friend. So is silver.
- If you're at a particularly faerie-linked site in Ireland and there are suddenly no other people around, be suspicious.
- Always be specific. When you lie, when you ask questions.
- Learn how to walk in elaborate ballgowns.

seanan_mcguire

April 5 2010, 20:56:57 UTC 7 years ago

Answered!

hopeevey

March 25 2010, 16:24:58 UTC 7 years ago

Always carry 50 yards of strong rope. You'll never know when you'll need it.

seanan_mcguire

April 5 2010, 21:02:12 UTC 7 years ago

Added.

notanotherexit

March 25 2010, 16:32:10 UTC 7 years ago

I've been locked in a tower and my hair is getting awfully long. Is there a way to take care of this before something crawls into it and dies?

There's this talking frog that says he's a prince. What are the repercussions of cooking it for dinner?

I'm a princess, but I sleep like a rock. Is there some special class or something where I learn how to detect peas between the mattresses, or do I have to check each time?

I have a fairy godmother, but she never lets me do anything fun. Is there some way to get rid of her?

I'm supposed to be in disguise as a peasant, but my hair refuses to tangle and I just cannot stay dirty. What should I do?

seanan_mcguire

April 5 2010, 21:13:37 UTC 7 years ago

All added! Thank you.

sweetmusic_27

March 25 2010, 16:34:21 UTC 7 years ago

If your true love is going away or about to do something monumentally stupid, do something weird to him so you'll recognize him in seven years. Jewelry in the hair is a good bet.

Speaking of hair, if you're about to go away or do something monumentally stupid, DON'T put your head in the lap of a fair maiden so she can sing to you and pick nits from your hair, UNLESS she bears a striking resemblance to a)your wife from seven years ago, b)that hot chambermaid your palace just hired, or c)that grumpy grandma-type who gave you some chestnuts last week.

If you're a virgin who's been given the choice of impossible housework OR HORRIBLE DEATH, start crying as soon as you're alone.

seanan_mcguire

April 6 2010, 16:39:51 UTC 7 years ago

All incorporated!

keristor

March 25 2010, 16:35:14 UTC 7 years ago

Do not annoy a minstrel. Your name scans to Greensleeves, and you will be immortalised in songs you won't like.

For that matter, don't wear green sleeves. Or green anything, especially kirtles.

If someone stops you and wants to play at riddles, don't. Whether you win or lose you will be in for trouble.

If an attractive member of an appropriate sex invites you to go for a ride, don't. Unless you are seriously interested in losing a hundred years or so.

ladyfox7oaks

March 25 2010, 19:06:04 UTC 7 years ago

"Do not annoy a minstrel. Your name scans to Greensleeves, and you will be immortalized in songs you won't like."

And the corollary, "Revenge is a dish best served in front of a live audience."

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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ladymondegreen

March 25 2010, 16:48:20 UTC 7 years ago

If you are in the woods late at night and a hideous giant approaches you demanding food and drink, treat her nicely, she might be your future wife and queen.

Always be nice to animals, young people, old people, and honor any strange requests they may make of you, you never know when you may have to retrieve something from somewhere unreachable, or gain esoteric knowledge. Also, always make sure they get invited to life-cycle events, especially weddings and birth ceremonies.

Don't get into arguments about trees and longevity.

archangelbeth

March 25 2010, 17:48:25 UTC 7 years ago

Although if wolves ask you to go pick flowers when mom said "stay on the path," you might want to... pretend to go pick flowers and then run for the nearest woodsman. Fast.

ladymondegreen

7 years ago

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dragoness_e

7 years ago

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keristor

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

6 years ago

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handspinner

March 25 2010, 16:49:18 UTC 7 years ago

I was wondering at what percentage of fae parentage do you not have to worry about getting asked to chose. Obviously you get asked at 1/2. Do you get asked at 1/4, 1/8 or 1/16?

lostwind

March 25 2010, 17:28:30 UTC 7 years ago

and do those other fractions have abilities, and just don't know?

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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liret

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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janetmiles

March 25 2010, 17:32:15 UTC 7 years ago

The entirety of the thread, Folksongs are Your Friends at Making Light.

I especially like the ....

Pop quiz!

You are a beautiful young lady named Janet. On the first of May you meet a man in a patch of broom down by the greenwoodside. He invites you to his home on the far side of the sea, and earnestly entreats you to keep his invitation secret from your parents. The ship is leaving right away, this very night!

What should you do?

A) Woo hoo, sounds like fun! You’ll go, have a great time, and return home happy, healthy, and with some great gossip for your chums.

B) You blow loudly on a police whistle and run home as if jet-propelled. You tell mom and dad what just went down, put on a Stetson, and load your forty-four caliber revolver with silver bullets.

C) You decide that it would save everyone concerned a great deal of trouble if you skipped ahead a bit and hanged yourself right now. Your Doleful Ghost informs mom of the situation.

D) Rather than go with him you disguise yourself as a man and join the Army. Next time you’re marching through the Lowlands Low you seduce a beautiful young lady. She is so amazed to discover that she isn’t pregnant that she hangs herself. Her Doleful Ghost gets confused and drives the young man you met down by the greenwoodside mad. He delivers a long speech that begins “Come all ye wild and roving lads a warning take by me….”

seanan_mcguire

April 5 2010, 02:51:23 UTC 7 years ago

Alas, I cannot mine other peoples' threads. But thank you for the funny!

angel_vixen

March 25 2010, 17:39:58 UTC 7 years ago

Avoid footwear made of unusual materials, gifts of food or strange coinage from people you don't know, or marrying someone you've been warned is a Bad Person.

If they've just done you a good turn, then it's probably okay to fulfill the request they're about to make.

If your siblings have always gotten a kick out of tormenting you, but now they want to be friends, better to assume they have something up their sleeves.

Talking cat in boots? Probably okay. Talking bird who warns you your bridegroom is a murderer? Probably okay. Anything else, be wary.

AngelVixen :-)

seanan_mcguire

September 14 2010, 18:57:52 UTC 6 years ago

Heee.

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keristor

March 25 2010, 20:01:24 UTC 7 years ago

"Bards lie."

See my comment upthread, first item. And run *g*...

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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archangelbeth

March 25 2010, 17:44:15 UTC 7 years ago

Part the first: Perhaps a section for pronunciations? Yes, they're in the books, but sometimes you forget how to pronounce (or spell) something and don't have the book at hand.

Survival tips for Fairy Tales... Hm. Don't go to bed with strange men under death sentences? O:>

seanan_mcguire

March 30 2010, 22:07:01 UTC 7 years ago

The pronunciation guide is a really big project, and not really inside the scope of an FAQ, I'm afraid.

valdary

March 25 2010, 17:50:29 UTC 7 years ago

Kissing frogs is a really good way to catch salmonella.

seanan_mcguire

March 30 2010, 22:07:18 UTC 7 years ago

Tragic but true. And after this year, Disney's going to have a lot to answer for.
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