quixoticSo I'm doing the web content for MiraGrant.com. Those of you familiar with my main website may have noticed that I have multiple bios, some of them deeply, deeply silly in nature, posted on the site. Since Mira doesn't have quite the history I do, and I haven't had the chance to solicit bios for her from my friends, I need something to guarantee the depth of content to which my readers have become accustomed (OCD cat is OCD). So!
You know Chuck Norris?
That.
I'm looking for UTTERLY INSANE statements about Mira Grant. Things like "Mira Grant isn't afraid of the thing under your bed. Mira Grant is the thing under your bed." Or "Mira Grant goes down to the quarry any time she damn well wants to."
Leave your suggestions as comments on this post. I will collect the best (and weirdest) for posting on Mira's website, because I have no hobbies that don't involve utter insanity. There will be prizes! I don't know what those prizes will be, but they, too, will probably be a little odd. (Sadly, I can't promise a copy of Feed until I've done some local accounting, but there will be something.)
Come on. You know you want to.
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March 23 2010, 20:27:00 UTC 7 years ago
Mira Grant invites the Jersey Devil and the Octupus that lives under the Tacoma Narrows Bridge and every other terrifying beast in the USA you have ever heard of over to her house every Tuesday. For poker.
Mira Grant cannot go to Vegas because her power over entropic forces would decimate the Vegas casino circuit. She doesn't care, because she likes Monte Carlo better.
Mira Grant is an intelligent, evolved virus in the shape of a girl.
Mira Grant is Typhoid Mary.
Mira Grant knows when the end of the world is coming.
Mira Grant knows when you will rise.
March 23 2010, 20:30:06 UTC 7 years ago
March 23 2010, 20:31:55 UTC 7 years ago
March 23 2010, 20:42:33 UTC 7 years ago
Mira Grant's favorite dinner dates are nicely muscled with some lovely marbled areas (for flavor).
Mira Grant quit her job at the DMV because they were "too nice to customers."
Mira Grant invented the "It's A Small World" ride at Disneyland.
March 23 2010, 20:46:57 UTC 7 years ago
March 23 2010, 20:52:54 UTC 7 years ago
Mira Grant has defeated James Bond. Twice.
March 23 2010, 21:09:30 UTC 7 years ago
Arming Rat
An Art Grim.
Both totally appropriate.
March 23 2010, 21:12:18 UTC 7 years ago
March 23 2010, 21:34:42 UTC 7 years ago
There was Crystal. There was Ronette. There was Chiffon. Then came Mira Grant.
Mira Grant is not The Weakest Link.
Let's play a game. It's called "Mira Grant."
Mira Grant keeps our love alive by artificial means.
March 23 2010, 21:35:53 UTC 7 years ago
Stole the cookie from the cookie jar
Is a Disney ****in Princess, care to argue with that?
Controls our evil overlords
Gave Gina the idea
Gives Satan advice
Gives Cuthulu nightmares
Is the voice in your head telling you to do bad things
Can help you. But Won’t.
Always wins bronze in Jumpty Doo competitions
When the turtle can’t help you, Mira Grant can but if you ask her for help you will wish you hadn’t.
March 23 2010, 22:01:47 UTC 7 years ago
March 23 2010, 22:05:53 UTC 7 years ago
March 23 2010, 22:33:00 UTC 7 years ago
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March 23 2010, 23:06:37 UTC 7 years ago
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March 23 2010, 23:53:56 UTC 7 years ago
March 24 2010, 00:01:40 UTC 7 years ago
Mira Grant once beheaed a zombie MacGuyver using only a piece of dental floss and some paperclips.
Mira Grant is the secret Queen of Wednesday.
Mira Grant won a chainsaw duel with Leatherface.
March 24 2010, 00:02:28 UTC 7 years ago
Occasionally, monsters used to eat tourists in the Seattle Underground. Then Mira took the tour.
(Or: Mira knows where the bodies are buried in the Underground. She put 'em there.)
March 24 2010, 00:10:50 UTC 7 years ago
Mira Grant knows what became of Ambrose Bierce.
Mira Grant used to date The King in Yellow.
March 24 2010, 00:18:00 UTC 7 years ago
March 24 2010, 00:40:21 UTC 7 years ago
Mira Grant's milkshake brings all the zombies to the yard. (That's right, it's better than yours.)
Everytime you masturbate Mira Grant raises a zombie kitten.
March 24 2010, 01:01:18 UTC 7 years ago
The Elder Gods are afraid of Mira Grant.
March 24 2010, 01:04:37 UTC 7 years ago
Mira Grant arrived in Europe back in thirteen forty-seven
And for several hundred years she just kept sending folks to heaven.
March 24 2010, 02:16:13 UTC 7 years ago
Mira Grant is what makes up the strings in String Theory.
The universe is currently expanding in an attempt to get away from Mira Grant.
Mira Grant doesn't play dice with the universe, she throws darts.
Zombies are the natural response to the fact that no one will ever be as smart as Mira Grant.
There's a version of Rock, Paper, Scissors that goes Mira Grant, Black Hole, Nuclear Explosion. Black Hole always wins because everyone's too afraid to throw a Mira Grant.
Mira Grant once agreed to race Hermes. The official story is that he's still trying to reach the finish line.
Hades doesn't have any pomegranates left because Mira Grant ate them all. Then she ate Hades.
Mira Grant always gets a tiara for her birthday.
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