I have, in fact, discovered the single best reason for an author to have an agent. Namely:

Your agent won't think you're crazy.

I think a lot. I mean, no matter what else I'm doing at any given point in time, the odds are pretty good that I'm thinking. As I write this, I'm thinking about, well, writing this; I'm thinking about Discount Armageddon, which I've started outlining; I'm thinking about Lycanthropy and Other Personal Issues, which I'm planning to work on tonight; I'm thinking about the song that's stuck in my head; I'm thinking about processing edits in Newsflesh; I'm thinking about packing for the weekend. All these many, many trains of thought are running at the same time, and while the conductors in my head are pretty good about keeping to the timetable, there's always the chance that some switch is going to get thrown wrong, and the wrong train is going to hit the station.

For the most part, I've learned not to answer 'how are you?' with 'I think Moira married an incubus' or 'if viral amplification was underway when the body was put into cryogenic suspension, what would happen when you thawed the person out?'. Note the use of the words 'for the most part.' When Chris asked me what I thought of Hellboy II, I looked at him with deep and bone-searing sorrow, and replied "Evening* has the wrong hair color." That's just how it goes sometimes.

Conversations with my agent are different, because my agent understands that I, as a writer, am in some ways a little bit to the left of 'normally sane.' So when she says 'how are you?' and I reply 'you can totally apply ballroom dancing to demon hunting!', she says 'that's awesome!' instead of 'perhaps it's time to stop the Masters of Horror marathons.' Now, it's true that sometimes, she needs to summon me back to the world of linear thought long enough to answer serious questions, like 'when can you give me a manuscript?' or 'do you really think it's a good idea to start another series right now?', but it's not a judgment, it's a business need.

My agent is the person who, at the end of the day, doesn't mind the fact that I don't need a segue to start explaining the mating habits of the North American Yeti (messy), the rules of succession in fae politics (messier), or the patterns of Kellis-Amberlee incubation in a closed population (messiest). She throws herself on that conversational grenade daily, for the good of all the rest of you.

How I adore her.

(*A character in Rosemary and Rue. You'll all get to meet her when you read my book. So much will make sense when you read my book. Like why I twitch so much.)

Well, here we are, back again, for the fourth installment in what's looking more and more like a series of fifty essays based around my fifty thoughts on writing. Never let it be said that I looked at an enormous commitment, shrugged, and declared myself to be preemptively over-booked. Besides which, this is at least reasonably entertaining, and the discussions it's sparking are really entertaining. As always, I respond well to bribery. Consider the virtues of candy corn. And in the meantime, why not check out today's topic? Which is, of course:

Thoughts on Writing #4: People Are Going To Be Mean To You.

You are a person, and you have a right to the ball! Just make sure that it's the right ball before you really get attached. Committing to the wrong ball just makes everyone sad. The original thought:

People are going to be mean to you. Full stop, absolutely, people are going to be mean to you. Some of them will be mean because they like what you're doing, and they want to see it work. Some of them will be mean because they feel like being jerks. Learn to see past the mean and get to the actual meat of what's being said. 'I don't like romance' is not the same thing as 'this scene makes no sense,' and they don't have the same potential to benefit your work.

That's right: today we're talking about cruelty, and the fine, fine line between tough love and being an absolute asshole. Because that's the sort of thing that keeps us entertained around here.

Let's begin.

( My thoughts are not your thoughts; my process is not your process; my ideas are not your ideas; my method is not your method. All these things are totally right for me, and may be just as totally wrong for you. So please don't stress if the things I'm saying don't apply to you -- I promise, there is no One True Way. This way for my thoughts on people being mean to you.Collapse )