Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: pensive
  • Music: Betsy Tinney, "Alligator in the House."

Adventures in alligator lizard.

Sunday afternoon, Alice* decided that I was stressing out too much about making my word count for the weekend, and brought me a present to take my mind off my troubles. More specifically, she brought me a live alligator lizard approximately eight inches in length, which is super-villain territory if you happy to be, I don't know, my toes.

I like lizards. The sight of lizards isn't one of those things that makes me scream and scramble onto my chair. I was also barefoot when the lizard arrived, barefoot when the lizard was helpfully released under my desk, and barefoot when the lizard decided to take its reptilian fury out on the nearest available target, IE, my toes. That made me scream and scramble onto my chair, at least until I could get some damn shoes on.

I glared at the lizard. The lizard glared at me. Alice looked pleased with herself, as I was clearly now distracted from my horrible horrible work. Attempts to get Alice to retrieve the lizard caused her to begin grooming herself. Attempts to retrieve the lizard myself caused the lizard to begin attempting to eat my thumbs. I like my thumbs. I decided the lizard could stay.

At several points during the evening, the lizard attempted to make a break for the door. Every time, Alice calmly picked it up and deposited it back under the desk. I put Lilly under the desk, thinking that perhaps my second cat would be more sensible. The lizard hissed at the cat. The cat ran away. Great Pumpkin preserve me from the bravery of the Siamese.

When I got up yesterday morning, the lizard was still there. When I got home from work yesterday afternoon, the lizard was still there. Around six o'clock last night, Alice walked under the desk, picked up the lizard, and walked away.

I did not pursue.

As I did not find lizard bits strewn around the house this morning, I think Alice put the lizard back where she found it, perhaps congratulating it for a job well done in the "distracting the human" category. That, or the lizard got away, and is even now lurking under a piece of furniture somewhere in my house, waiting for me to take off my shoes.

Visitors, beware, and guard your toes. There very well might be an alligator in my house.

(*Alice Price-Healy Little Liddel Abernathy McGuire, my blue classic tabby and white Maine Coon. Yes, I call her by her full name, normally when she pulls stunts like the one described above.)
Tags: alice, animals rock, wild adventures
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    switch
    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    Help
  • 77 comments
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →

madfilkentist

February 9 2010, 15:49:43 UTC 7 years ago

Now you've got that song stuck in my head again...

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 15:51:16 UTC 7 years ago

I have no regrets.

Deleted comment

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

  • New comment

Deleted comment

grey_lady

February 9 2010, 15:57:12 UTC 7 years ago

I love your cats. :)
I'm aware that you may not be completely enamored of Alice's behaviour at the moment, but this story really made my day. With apologies to your thumbs and toes.

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 22:12:07 UTC 7 years ago

My punctured skin, and my pride, will recover.

beable

February 9 2010, 15:58:15 UTC 7 years ago


Ow - I had *just* replaced having that song permanently stuck in my head with other earworms!

At least the alligator does not seem to be a master of disguise. Yet.

technoshaman

February 9 2010, 16:06:07 UTC 7 years ago

I'd lock up the raspberries, though.

aineotter

7 years ago

  • New comment

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

  • New comment

tollers

7 years ago

  • New comment

Deleted comment

dornbeast

February 9 2010, 19:43:18 UTC 7 years ago

Lilly's full name is on Seanan's website.

The etymology is not included.

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

  • New comment

judifilksign

February 9 2010, 16:16:33 UTC 7 years ago

So, did you move away from the desk to continue working, put on shoes and continue working at the desk, or did Alice totally win in getting you off track?

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 22:13:38 UTC 7 years ago

Put on shoes and continued working at the desk.

It was a day.

silvertwi

February 9 2010, 16:18:24 UTC 7 years ago

I'm glad you posted the full story here. Your tweets were amusing enough! This has me giggling like mad.

Cats. I love cats. But sharp-toothed lizards aren't as fun.

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 22:13:56 UTC 7 years ago

I actually quite like alligator lizards, when they're not pissed-off and snappy.

keristor

February 9 2010, 16:36:09 UTC 7 years ago

Y'all have such an /interesting/ life! I love reading it, even when it does get me strange looks from my cow-orkers...

murgyt

February 9 2010, 16:42:32 UTC 7 years ago

Ok, Now I Have to Know - what the heck does a cow-orker do?! (And don't tell me it was a typo! Do horses have orker's also? Gerbils? Ignuanas?!!!)

keristor

7 years ago

  • New comment

jacylrin

7 years ago

  • New comment

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

  • New comment

keristor

7 years ago

  • New comment

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

  • New comment

hasufin

February 9 2010, 17:04:45 UTC 7 years ago

Not a reptile person, I take it?

If any of my cats deposited such a fine specimen at my feet, I would have found a nice habitat for it.

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 22:15:06 UTC 7 years ago

Oh, I love reptiles. But the Northern alligator lizard is a bitch to deal with when it's already angry, and this one was having a full-scale temper tantrum.

hasufin

7 years ago

  • New comment

jacylrin

February 9 2010, 17:04:47 UTC 7 years ago

ROFLMAO. I needed that. I'm glad we don't have large biting lizards here. That I know of. The buttloads of snow can just go the hell away, though.

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 22:15:20 UTC 7 years ago

Snow or lizards. The choice is yours.

vincentursus

7 years ago

  • New comment

kyrielle

7 years ago

  • New comment

jongibbs

February 9 2010, 17:06:20 UTC 7 years ago

That's where a big, heavy book beats an e-reader every time ;)

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 22:15:39 UTC 7 years ago

He was too cute to squash, honest.

jongibbs

7 years ago

  • New comment

archangelbeth

February 9 2010, 17:23:06 UTC 7 years ago

*falls over howling*
*puts this in her memories, that also contain Dogs in Elk, for it is WORTHY!*

keristor

February 9 2010, 18:12:11 UTC 7 years ago

"Dogs in Elk"? This I want to hear...

slothman

7 years ago

  • New comment

keristor

7 years ago

  • New comment

archangelbeth

7 years ago

  • New comment

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

  • New comment

scholarinexile

February 9 2010, 17:45:25 UTC 7 years ago

Wow. This is why I don't let my cats outdoors unsupervised. I hope you don't awake to find it sitting on your chest, hissing threateningly.

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 17:56:03 UTC 7 years ago

...who said she was allowed outdoors? My cats never go outdoors. The lizard somehow managed to come in.

ladyfox7oaks

7 years ago

  • New comment

scholarinexile

7 years ago

  • New comment

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

  • New comment

idancewithlife

7 years ago

  • New comment

slothman

February 9 2010, 18:26:59 UTC 7 years ago

What a sweet little fluffy girl! She must love you very much to go to such efforts to teach you to hunt like that.

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 22:19:06 UTC 7 years ago

She is a good and loving cat, and wishes to become mittens.

pyre006

February 9 2010, 18:39:43 UTC 7 years ago

omg. My mom's cat brought her a baby rabbit once, she said she thought the cat wanted a pet.

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 22:19:26 UTC 7 years ago

My Burmese python had a rabbit for a while. He was very fond of her.

pyre006

7 years ago

  • New comment

deire

February 9 2010, 19:03:24 UTC 7 years ago

Mwahahahahaha! Go Alice! Er, I mean, how terrible. Hmm, mine just brought me mice in the same situation, albeit I was writing code, not prose. That was the semester she learned to unplug my Internet connection, too.

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 22:19:41 UTC 7 years ago

Ah, cats.

How they enrich our lives.

cleothyla

February 9 2010, 21:09:21 UTC 7 years ago

Alice definately loves you to bring you what you needed at the time. Sorry about your toes and thumbs but I think she should get a little bit of a reward because she was just trying to help. :)

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 22:19:57 UTC 7 years ago

She got the loves.

ladymondegreen

February 9 2010, 21:28:22 UTC 7 years ago

At least it wasn't a snake. I'm glad you still have all your toes, if a little chewed.

Maybe it'll eat the spiders in the back room?

seanan_mcguire

February 9 2010, 22:20:08 UTC 7 years ago

We don't have spiders anymore.

ladymondegreen

7 years ago

  • New comment

amanda_nye

February 9 2010, 22:49:31 UTC 7 years ago

That is priceless.

seanan_mcguire

February 10 2010, 15:25:32 UTC 7 years ago

And bitey.

allaboutm_e

February 9 2010, 23:41:30 UTC 7 years ago

You have the BEST cats!

seanan_mcguire

February 10 2010, 15:25:47 UTC 7 years ago

And they're too cute to kill, which is a damn good thing for them.

snowcoma

February 10 2010, 00:56:15 UTC 7 years ago

My former roommate has an alligator lizard named Kamikaze. She's more than earned the name by taking FLYING LEAPS off of/onto people. Crazy-ass lizards!

That said, this might be the best Alice story yet.

seanan_mcguire

February 10 2010, 15:26:01 UTC 7 years ago

IEEEEEEE FLYING LIZARD!

Awesome.

dimloep_suum

February 10 2010, 03:49:52 UTC 7 years ago

That's hardcore, and totally puts my cats to shame. They'd run and hide, for sure.

seanan_mcguire

February 10 2010, 15:26:13 UTC 7 years ago

They're smart.

Even though I'm sure you know this song...

evaleastaristev

February 10 2010, 10:43:35 UTC 7 years ago

http://www.skinnywhitechick.com/music_lyrics.php?Song_Key=sirens_alligator

There's an alligator in the house
A toothy grin appears beneath my chair
A scaly tail goes sliding out of sight
Now it's gone - was it ever there?
Something odd has moved into the house
Reptilian tracks lead underneath our bed
And all the cats are tasty, fat, and scared
Though I doubt we've lost any yet

CHORUS
So what's the big deal? Doesn't everyone
Have an alligator somewhere, somehow?
And maybe this one has always been here,
But I never noticed it till now.

There's an alligator in the house
Just caught her napping in the living room
She was dozing on the velvet couch
And the cats were sleeping there too
There's an alligator in the house
No one seems to mind except for me
Well, at least she doesn't eat the cats
I suspect she'd rather eat me

There's an alligator in the pit
she is dancing wildly with the snakes
to win them over to her cause
she will do whatever it takes
They think I don't see their little smiles
as they plan a reptilian overthrow
but I hear them talking in my dreams
they will not be sad to see me go!

CHORUS

I've begun to worry 'bout my toes
The alligator seems to think they're nice
I've counted all of them a hundred times
But I never got the same answer twice

There's an alligator in my bed
she is not a master of disguise
just a pillow waiting for my head
soft and sweet and hungrily she lies

There's an alligator in the house
Today she joined me for a spot of tea
She helped herself to raspberries and cream
And she didn't leave any for me

Well I thought that I had seen it all
but this alligator proved me wrong
like a lady as she drank her tea
she sang to me this little song:

ALLIGATOR'S CHORUS:
"so what's the big deal, doesn't everyone
have an alligator somewhere somehow?
I know you'd miss me if I went away
though you never noticed until now!"

CHORUS

Re: Even though I'm sure you know this song...

seanan_mcguire

February 10 2010, 15:26:34 UTC 7 years ago

Yup! Alice's breeder, stealthcello, wrote that!

stevemb

February 10 2010, 16:21:44 UTC 7 years ago

Great Pumpkin preserve me from the bravery of the Siamese.

Vir looks for a hiding place when the doorbell rings (including on TV).

seanan_mcguire

February 10 2010, 18:24:38 UTC 7 years ago

RUN AWAY!!!!!

Day late and probably a dollar short, but . . .

ladyqkat

February 11 2010, 01:15:06 UTC 7 years ago

all I have to say is:

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Re: Day late and probably a dollar short, but . . .

seanan_mcguire

February 12 2010, 16:53:52 UTC 7 years ago

SQUEE!

kyrielle

February 11 2010, 03:18:56 UTC 7 years ago

This made me laugh the first time I read it. And the second. And and and. This is a CLASSIC Alice story. And you have my sympathy. And I'm going to go back to a) giggling and b) being glad Ray's not this clever....

seanan_mcguire

February 12 2010, 16:54:07 UTC 7 years ago

I suffer so you don't have to.
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →