Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: nostalgic
  • Music: Evil Dead, "Blew That Bitch Away."

Toys that just don't cut it anymore.

When I was a kid growing up below the poverty line in California, I had a lot of toys that were "the hot new thing" about ten years before they wound up in my grasping little hands. This included the glory of the Creepy Crawlers machine, from Thing Maker. (Modern parents, prepare to be completely and utterly appalled.) It consisted of a small, open-faced grill component capable of baking things at incredibly high temperatures, nine solid metal molds, a metal hook for lifting the hot molds out of the "oven," and a bunch of bottles of liquid sludge called "Plasti-Goop." You plugged the oven in, chose a mold, filled it with multi-colored ooze, and then watched in amazement as heat slowly transformed harmless slime into boiling molten death plastic, and then into cheap quarter-machine plastic bugs, amphibians, and reptiles.

Best. Toy. Ever.

If my mother thought it might be dangerous for me to spend hours sitting on the steps in front of our apartment wearing cut-off shorts and breathing the fumes from a boiling cauldron of molten plastic, she never said anything; really, she probably figured it was cheaper than eating paste or sniffing markers until they dried out (big hobbies with the other kids on my block). Besides, my infinite supply of interestingly-colored plastic creatures meant I only tried to beg for quarters when I wanted gum or a superball, and that was much more reasonable than trying to feed my endless hunger for hideous horror movie props.

I was, I think, nine when my sister (Rachel, the youngest one) wandered innocently out onto the porch, grabbed hold of the cord on my Creepy Crawler machine, and gave it a good yank. The machine promptly flew into the air and stuck to the side of my right calf, at which point I began wailing like a banshee on acid. The machine fell down; the mold didn't. My mother came running out of the apartment and sensibly grabbed my little sister, who was in serious danger of being pitched off the balcony once I finished screaming, and then ran back inside to get some ice. I managed to knock the mold off my leg, leaving an enormous glob of bright orange molten Plasti-Goop behind. More screaming.

Mom came out, and wiped away the plastic; my leg was already starting to blister. I still have the scar, a strawberry-shaped white patch about the size of a man's thumb print on my right calf. It makes an entertaining conversation piece, since "Where did you get that scar?" is rarely answered with "My sister spilled a molten plastic caterpillar mold on my leg."

I miss my Creepy Crawler machine. And if I had it, there's not a parent I know who'd let their children near my house ever again.
Tags: dangerous games, my mom is nuts, so the marilyn
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  • 96 comments

bigherman

January 28 2010, 21:20:56 UTC 7 years ago

I remember all those coooking-toys... sigh. My brother made creepy crawlies, and I got an Easy-Bake oven, which confounded me, because I wondered why I shouldn't just use the real thing.

But speaking of dangerous toys... my all-time favorite was the trampoline. We didn't have no stinkin' safety nets, and there was many a time I bounced right off onto the ground. Between my brother and I, though, jumping off nearby structures onto the darn thing, we never had a broken bone. A few burns, for sure, and the damn static electricity would build up so you could actually see a spark jump from your hand, but that was it.

seanan_mcguire

February 15 2010, 18:52:48 UTC 7 years ago

Yeah, Vix works in insurance, and trampolines make her make some awesome faces.

seanan_mcguire

February 15 2010, 18:53:25 UTC 7 years ago

Yeah, Vix works in insurance, and trampolines make her make some awesome faces.