Toys that just don't cut it anymore.: seanan

Toys that just don't cut it anymore.

When I was a kid growing up below the poverty line in California, I had a lot of toys that were "the hot new thing" about ten years before they wound up in my grasping little hands. This included the glory of the Creepy Crawlers machine, from Thing Maker. (Modern parents, prepare to be completely and utterly appalled.) It consisted of a small, open-faced grill component capable of baking things at incredibly high temperatures, nine solid metal molds, a metal hook for lifting the hot molds out of the "oven," and a bunch of bottles of liquid sludge called "Plasti-Goop." You plugged the oven in, chose a mold, filled it with multi-colored ooze, and then watched in amazement as heat slowly transformed harmless slime into boiling molten death plastic, and then into cheap quarter-machine plastic bugs, amphibians, and reptiles.

Best. Toy. Ever.

If my mother thought it might be dangerous for me to spend hours sitting on the steps in front of our apartment wearing cut-off shorts and breathing the fumes from a boiling cauldron of molten plastic, she never said anything; really, she probably figured it was cheaper than eating paste or sniffing markers until they dried out (big hobbies with the other kids on my block). Besides, my infinite supply of interestingly-colored plastic creatures meant I only tried to beg for quarters when I wanted gum or a superball, and that was much more reasonable than trying to feed my endless hunger for hideous horror movie props.

I was, I think, nine when my sister (Rachel, the youngest one) wandered innocently out onto the porch, grabbed hold of the cord on my Creepy Crawler machine, and gave it a good yank. The machine promptly flew into the air and stuck to the side of my right calf, at which point I began wailing like a banshee on acid. The machine fell down; the mold didn't. My mother came running out of the apartment and sensibly grabbed my little sister, who was in serious danger of being pitched off the balcony once I finished screaming, and then ran back inside to get some ice. I managed to knock the mold off my leg, leaving an enormous glob of bright orange molten Plasti-Goop behind. More screaming.

Mom came out, and wiped away the plastic; my leg was already starting to blister. I still have the scar, a strawberry-shaped white patch about the size of a man's thumb print on my right calf. It makes an entertaining conversation piece, since "Where did you get that scar?" is rarely answered with "My sister spilled a molten plastic caterpillar mold on my leg."

I miss my Creepy Crawler machine. And if I had it, there's not a parent I know who'd let their children near my house ever again.

brightlotusmoon

January 27 2010, 16:01:14 UTC 7 years ago

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she probably figured it was cheaper than eating paste or sniffing markers until they dried out (big hobbies with the other kids on my block).

I remember when the big thing in the '80s (I was born in '79 and went to public grade school in Brooklyn, NY) was sniffing markers, sniffing and eating glue, and sniffing and chewing blue pens. Now its raiding Grandma's medicine cabinet for hydrocodone. Or did they do that too in the '80s

My childhood best friend, Brian, had a Creepy Crawler maker. Alongside our massive collection of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys. We made the Turtles fight the Creepy Crawlers. With My Little Ponies. It was awesome. I miss my 1980s childhood.

Just wanted to say thanks for the memories.

lapintada

January 27 2010, 16:03:11 UTC 7 years ago

Wait! Where's the Easy Bake Oven so they could all eat cake after doing battle?

**grin***
THIS I did have!

seanan_mcguire

January 27 2010, 16:04:47 UTC 7 years ago

The Easy Bake Oven: teaching us all why we don't want to lick the lightbulb.

January 27 2010, 16:19:23 UTC 7 years ago

I never got that, but my mom let me help her bake! I would have LOVED an Easy Bake Oven. I had a Fisher Price record player, though, so I could have a musical score and soundtrack to go along with my battles.

January 27 2010, 16:24:00 UTC 7 years ago

heeee... all these memories!

January 27 2010, 16:03:19 UTC 7 years ago

...that would have been the best battle ever. I just had the evil My Little Ponies over in the Dream Castle send the tide of Creepy Crawlers against the good My Little Ponies in the Paradise Estate.

Also, you and I are basically the same age, so I, too, miss your childhood.

January 27 2010, 16:17:43 UTC 7 years ago

It was always the best battle ever! Yours sounds fantastic too. Did you make the winged ponies be the first soldiers on the front lines too?

I was cruel to my Ponies. I drew on them and scarred them, and I made them battle-worthy (because I was disabled and "different from the other kids and stared at") -- but they were the most awesome Ponies ever. And when they teamed up with the Ninja Turtles and She-Ra, they were unstoppable. I liked to take blank cassette tapes and record my stories. I went on a huge Last Unicorn kick once and bought tons of white plastic horses and shoved broken skewers in their foreheads, wrapped in clear tape so the horns would shine. So the Unicorns would join the war, but I couldn't find a Red Bull, so I substituted with red Creepy Crawlers.

....man, I was an odd child.

And yet I can't watch horror films, or violent films, and I need other people to dispose of bugs for me.

Anyway. Thank you for letting me ramble.

January 27 2010, 22:20:37 UTC 7 years ago

I was scrupulously careful with my Ponies, and they ruled the house. Truly, their army was mighty, and all others were beaten back.

We are a ramble-okay zone.

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Toys that just don't cut it anymore.

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