Toys that just don't cut it anymore.: seanan

Toys that just don't cut it anymore.

When I was a kid growing up below the poverty line in California, I had a lot of toys that were "the hot new thing" about ten years before they wound up in my grasping little hands. This included the glory of the Creepy Crawlers machine, from Thing Maker. (Modern parents, prepare to be completely and utterly appalled.) It consisted of a small, open-faced grill component capable of baking things at incredibly high temperatures, nine solid metal molds, a metal hook for lifting the hot molds out of the "oven," and a bunch of bottles of liquid sludge called "Plasti-Goop." You plugged the oven in, chose a mold, filled it with multi-colored ooze, and then watched in amazement as heat slowly transformed harmless slime into boiling molten death plastic, and then into cheap quarter-machine plastic bugs, amphibians, and reptiles.

Best. Toy. Ever.

If my mother thought it might be dangerous for me to spend hours sitting on the steps in front of our apartment wearing cut-off shorts and breathing the fumes from a boiling cauldron of molten plastic, she never said anything; really, she probably figured it was cheaper than eating paste or sniffing markers until they dried out (big hobbies with the other kids on my block). Besides, my infinite supply of interestingly-colored plastic creatures meant I only tried to beg for quarters when I wanted gum or a superball, and that was much more reasonable than trying to feed my endless hunger for hideous horror movie props.

I was, I think, nine when my sister (Rachel, the youngest one) wandered innocently out onto the porch, grabbed hold of the cord on my Creepy Crawler machine, and gave it a good yank. The machine promptly flew into the air and stuck to the side of my right calf, at which point I began wailing like a banshee on acid. The machine fell down; the mold didn't. My mother came running out of the apartment and sensibly grabbed my little sister, who was in serious danger of being pitched off the balcony once I finished screaming, and then ran back inside to get some ice. I managed to knock the mold off my leg, leaving an enormous glob of bright orange molten Plasti-Goop behind. More screaming.

Mom came out, and wiped away the plastic; my leg was already starting to blister. I still have the scar, a strawberry-shaped white patch about the size of a man's thumb print on my right calf. It makes an entertaining conversation piece, since "Where did you get that scar?" is rarely answered with "My sister spilled a molten plastic caterpillar mold on my leg."

I miss my Creepy Crawler machine. And if I had it, there's not a parent I know who'd let their children near my house ever again.

axejudge

January 27 2010, 22:21:12 UTC 7 years ago

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Yay Thingmaker! I loved that!

I always had trouble getting the eyes to stay; they wanted to pop back out. I wish I knew what happened to that; I had all sorts of molds.

seanan_mcguire

February 1 2010, 22:33:12 UTC 7 years ago

Hee. Eyes that pop out are funny.

melissajm

January 27 2010, 23:09:26 UTC 7 years ago

I had a chemistry set with cyanide in it.

February 1 2010, 22:33:20 UTC 7 years ago

Dude, AWESOME.

Sulk

deire

January 28 2010, 00:48:57 UTC 7 years ago

My parents never let me have any fiery or chemical kits as a child. Then again, I have scarring from a recent hot glue incident. So they might not have been killjoys so much as very well acquainted with me.

Also, someone in our microbiology lab LEFT THE INOCULATION LOOP SITTING IN THE INCINERATOR CYLINDER. We're only supposed to hold the loop in for 20 seconds. Her loop melted. The lab staff person was distinctly not pleased.

Re: Sulk

February 1 2010, 22:33:30 UTC 7 years ago

...as long as it wasn't you!

February 2 2010, 03:50:25 UTC 7 years ago

Oh no, sometimes careless with fingers but not with lab equipment. ;)

bearhand

January 28 2010, 02:30:38 UTC 7 years ago

I gave that to son #2 when he was ten for christmas.

On another cool note, back when I was twelve, my grandmother gave me my very own machete. Yeah, I grew up North Georgia country.

February 1 2010, 22:33:42 UTC 7 years ago

AWESOME.

You win at Christmas.

exapno

January 28 2010, 04:02:58 UTC 7 years ago

there's not a parent I know who'd let their children near my house ever again.
Well, only if i couldn't come too....because once she was there can pretty much guarantee that visiting you would be the only way i'd see her again :)
Molten plastic, science fun, and creepy crawlies? oh YEAH! :)
The current one stinks, so i've never bothered for her. But good memories from my childhood :)

February 1 2010, 22:33:54 UTC 7 years ago

Hee.

it_aint_easy

January 28 2010, 07:35:57 UTC 7 years ago

We had a small square of burned carpet in my sister's room for years and years (the bed was moved on top of it after it happened, so there wasn't an urgent need to change the carpet). Guess why. :{)}

February 1 2010, 22:34:02 UTC 7 years ago

Hmmm, I wonder...

bigherman

January 28 2010, 21:20:56 UTC 7 years ago

I remember all those coooking-toys... sigh. My brother made creepy crawlies, and I got an Easy-Bake oven, which confounded me, because I wondered why I shouldn't just use the real thing.

But speaking of dangerous toys... my all-time favorite was the trampoline. We didn't have no stinkin' safety nets, and there was many a time I bounced right off onto the ground. Between my brother and I, though, jumping off nearby structures onto the darn thing, we never had a broken bone. A few burns, for sure, and the damn static electricity would build up so you could actually see a spark jump from your hand, but that was it.

February 15 2010, 18:52:48 UTC 7 years ago

Yeah, Vix works in insurance, and trampolines make her make some awesome faces.

February 15 2010, 18:53:25 UTC 7 years ago

lysystratae

January 28 2010, 23:16:00 UTC 7 years ago

My brother had one of those, and they were wonderful. My Dad also had this nifty melty-suctiony toy car making thing - a meta car mold that heated up and then you put a layer of plastic on top and it vacu-sucked the plastic to the mold - that we adored playing with, despite the burnt fingers :)

February 15 2010, 18:53:42 UTC 7 years ago

Nice!

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Toys that just don't cut it anymore.

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