Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: quixotic
  • Music: Pink, "Ave Mary A."

Happy Australia Makes You Die Day!

Once again, my big list o' holidays* says that today is a holiday that is very important to me, and makes a big impact on my life. Maybe not as big an impact as Virus Appreciation Day (October 3rd), which I celebrate every year by not unleashing the pandemic, or Cuckoo Warning Day (June 21st), which is best celebrated by evolving parasitic wasps into telepathic humanoids, but still, it's important to me.

Today is Australia Day.

So today we celebrate the existence of Australia, the continent which proves that evolution did a lot of drugs when it was young. Today we celebrate the fact that Australia is full of things that want to make us all die, the fact that Australia is frequently on fire, and the fact that Australia essentially hates humanity. Specific things to celebrate about Australia include venomous snakes, spiders the size of dinner plates, marsupials, really interesting money, the koala (which will totally rip your face off if you poke it), and the cone snail, which is the size of a man's thumb and can kill you extremely dead. This is why you do not fuck around with the native wildlife of Australia.

Tonight I will celebrate by going to Kate's house to eat tasty Indian food and tell her things she never wanted to know about the many ways in which Australia can render you extremely deceased. There will be expository hand-gestures, and possibly even diagrams. Kate puts up with a lot from me, really. And later this year, I'll belatedly celebrate Australia Day by actually going to Melbourne, Australia, for the glory of WorldCon.

Thank you for existing, Australia! Today is your day. Your venomous, deadly, kicking-your-ass, being eaten by koalas day.

Hooray Australia!

(*I have a list containing a holiday for every single day of the year. Some days have more than one holiday listed. The world needs more excuses for a party.)
Tags: animals rock, australia makes you die, good things, in the wild, kate, silliness
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  • 131 comments
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notsogreynomad

January 30 2010, 22:40:06 UTC 7 years ago

LOL. I too am a very proud Aussie. But I am glad to see you mention one of the biggest killers of tourists.....our beaches. Also, there seems a lot of tourists who like to hire 4 wheel drives and head over to Fraser Island with no experience, and therefore we have been known to lose a few there as well.

I can vouch for the emus. We have just finished a 12 mnth trip around Australia, and an emu ran into the side of our caravan, doing much damage, hubby looked in the mirror, and saw the emu running around in circles with feathers going everywhere. As we stopped, the car behind us, which, incidentally was being driven by a wildlife ranger, also hit the emu, and then the bugger (emu, not ranger) got up and ran away into the bush!

No one seems to have mentioned our enormous goannas yet!

seanan_mcguire

February 2 2010, 15:29:54 UTC 7 years ago

I love goannas. Love love love.

But the beaches scare me.