Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: quixotic
  • Music: Pink, "Ave Mary A."

Happy Australia Makes You Die Day!

Once again, my big list o' holidays* says that today is a holiday that is very important to me, and makes a big impact on my life. Maybe not as big an impact as Virus Appreciation Day (October 3rd), which I celebrate every year by not unleashing the pandemic, or Cuckoo Warning Day (June 21st), which is best celebrated by evolving parasitic wasps into telepathic humanoids, but still, it's important to me.

Today is Australia Day.

So today we celebrate the existence of Australia, the continent which proves that evolution did a lot of drugs when it was young. Today we celebrate the fact that Australia is full of things that want to make us all die, the fact that Australia is frequently on fire, and the fact that Australia essentially hates humanity. Specific things to celebrate about Australia include venomous snakes, spiders the size of dinner plates, marsupials, really interesting money, the koala (which will totally rip your face off if you poke it), and the cone snail, which is the size of a man's thumb and can kill you extremely dead. This is why you do not fuck around with the native wildlife of Australia.

Tonight I will celebrate by going to Kate's house to eat tasty Indian food and tell her things she never wanted to know about the many ways in which Australia can render you extremely deceased. There will be expository hand-gestures, and possibly even diagrams. Kate puts up with a lot from me, really. And later this year, I'll belatedly celebrate Australia Day by actually going to Melbourne, Australia, for the glory of WorldCon.

Thank you for existing, Australia! Today is your day. Your venomous, deadly, kicking-your-ass, being eaten by koalas day.

Hooray Australia!

(*I have a list containing a holiday for every single day of the year. Some days have more than one holiday listed. The world needs more excuses for a party.)
Tags: animals rock, australia makes you die, good things, in the wild, kate, silliness
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  • 131 comments
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seanan_mcguire

January 27 2010, 15:51:18 UTC 7 years ago

EIGHT TIMES?!

Holy Pumpkin in the sky, that is one bad-ass spider. That is the Chuck Norris of spiders. I bow before its glory, and back slowly away.

alexwearspants

January 28 2010, 02:27:01 UTC 7 years ago

Yeah, pretty much its only mistake was that every time we officially pronounced it 'dead' it would wait a bit, then start to crawl away again. Brooms, shoes, spray, nothing would work on this thing. And by the end we were really just trying to put it out of its misery, because it did not look in a state to survive outside.

They grow huge, too, bigger than a hand, and if you know an Aussie who drives a car, then you know an Aussie who's had the 'I drop from on high!! If you're lucky, only into your lap, not onto your face!' They're not toxic to an adult, though, and mostly we try to leave them alone because they're good for killing bugs, but this was when my brother was itty-bitty, and mum was going through a protective stage, so. You know. *shrugs*

gothicsparrow

January 29 2010, 00:26:56 UTC 7 years ago

... if you're trying to kill it, and it looks like it won't survive outside for very long... why not?

Ooooh, I was in a car which experienced an 'I drop from on high!!', (onto the windscreen, thank that which is holy) and dear gods, I am not usually very scared of spiders, but that thing was the biggest f***ing spider I've ever seen! Not the mention that the driver at the time was my mum, who is less good with spiders than I am. We think it fell off while the car was moving.

alexwearspants

January 29 2010, 06:35:42 UTC 7 years ago

Oooooh, I hate that 'do we know where it went? DID YOU SEE WHERE IT WENT??? Oh God, let's just pretend we saw it fly off the windshield' moments. And then you spend the rest of the trip waiting for the crawling sensation.

xanath

February 2 2010, 02:18:46 UTC 7 years ago

Or worse, when it drops beneath your shirt . . .

::shudders:: Oh, memories. Nightmare-inducing memories. Thank God it wasn't a funnelweb or anything hairy, though.