Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: quixotic
  • Music: Pink, "Ave Mary A."

Happy Australia Makes You Die Day!

Once again, my big list o' holidays* says that today is a holiday that is very important to me, and makes a big impact on my life. Maybe not as big an impact as Virus Appreciation Day (October 3rd), which I celebrate every year by not unleashing the pandemic, or Cuckoo Warning Day (June 21st), which is best celebrated by evolving parasitic wasps into telepathic humanoids, but still, it's important to me.

Today is Australia Day.

So today we celebrate the existence of Australia, the continent which proves that evolution did a lot of drugs when it was young. Today we celebrate the fact that Australia is full of things that want to make us all die, the fact that Australia is frequently on fire, and the fact that Australia essentially hates humanity. Specific things to celebrate about Australia include venomous snakes, spiders the size of dinner plates, marsupials, really interesting money, the koala (which will totally rip your face off if you poke it), and the cone snail, which is the size of a man's thumb and can kill you extremely dead. This is why you do not fuck around with the native wildlife of Australia.

Tonight I will celebrate by going to Kate's house to eat tasty Indian food and tell her things she never wanted to know about the many ways in which Australia can render you extremely deceased. There will be expository hand-gestures, and possibly even diagrams. Kate puts up with a lot from me, really. And later this year, I'll belatedly celebrate Australia Day by actually going to Melbourne, Australia, for the glory of WorldCon.

Thank you for existing, Australia! Today is your day. Your venomous, deadly, kicking-your-ass, being eaten by koalas day.

Hooray Australia!

(*I have a list containing a holiday for every single day of the year. Some days have more than one holiday listed. The world needs more excuses for a party.)
Tags: animals rock, australia makes you die, good things, in the wild, kate, silliness
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  • 131 comments
...go 2 levels up... Expand

the_s_guy

January 26 2010, 23:24:51 UTC 7 years ago

It kills me that the only non-animal image there is of Vegemite - the national breakfast spread whose salt content can kill your tastebuds if you're not already used to it.

Just a note for anyone who hasn't experienced it before: just because Australians slather it half an inch thick on toast does NOT mean you should eat it this way the first time. The recommended way is a tiny sliver scraped thinner than Kate Moss over an entire slice of bread, ideally with butter underneath to cut some of the salt.

...and a plate to delicately spit it back out onto when your taste buds revolt.

princess_kessie

January 27 2010, 05:39:38 UTC 7 years ago

Hey! It's *so* not that bad!

(even if it can strip the paint off walls)

the_s_guy

January 27 2010, 07:18:58 UTC 7 years ago

Well, Aussie kids get used to it eventually, so it can't be too toxic. It can be a little disconcerting to the uninitiated, though. :)