Happy Australia Makes You Die Day!: seanan

Happy Australia Makes You Die Day!

Once again, my big list o' holidays* says that today is a holiday that is very important to me, and makes a big impact on my life. Maybe not as big an impact as Virus Appreciation Day (October 3rd), which I celebrate every year by not unleashing the pandemic, or Cuckoo Warning Day (June 21st), which is best celebrated by evolving parasitic wasps into telepathic humanoids, but still, it's important to me.

Today is Australia Day.

So today we celebrate the existence of Australia, the continent which proves that evolution did a lot of drugs when it was young. Today we celebrate the fact that Australia is full of things that want to make us all die, the fact that Australia is frequently on fire, and the fact that Australia essentially hates humanity. Specific things to celebrate about Australia include venomous snakes, spiders the size of dinner plates, marsupials, really interesting money, the koala (which will totally rip your face off if you poke it), and the cone snail, which is the size of a man's thumb and can kill you extremely dead. This is why you do not fuck around with the native wildlife of Australia.

Tonight I will celebrate by going to Kate's house to eat tasty Indian food and tell her things she never wanted to know about the many ways in which Australia can render you extremely deceased. There will be expository hand-gestures, and possibly even diagrams. Kate puts up with a lot from me, really. And later this year, I'll belatedly celebrate Australia Day by actually going to Melbourne, Australia, for the glory of WorldCon.

Thank you for existing, Australia! Today is your day. Your venomous, deadly, kicking-your-ass, being eaten by koalas day.

Hooray Australia!

(*I have a list containing a holiday for every single day of the year. Some days have more than one holiday listed. The world needs more excuses for a party.)

Australia started celebrating last week, it seems.

lastwordy_mcgee

January 26 2010, 15:46:28 UTC 7 years ago

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Last week, a news story came out about the influx of deadly funnel spiders in suburban Sydney (http://ow.ly/10AyT). These delightful little creatures are known to be aggressive, can jump up to 18", and will kill you dead within 2 hours. You can also look forward to hospital stays of up to 14 days if you manage not to get dead. There might also be a lack of antivenom to cope with the recent increase in numbers, so people are being asked to capture the spiders and drop them off at their local reptile park, where they (the spiders, not the people) can be milked to create lovely antidote.

I cannot get the image out of my head of some crazy Paul Hogan or Steve Irwin looking person, running around their backyard with a jam jar in one hand and a small butterfly net in the other, all "HERE SPIDEY SPIDEY!"

Re: Australia started celebrating last week, it seems.

hasufin

January 27 2010, 03:54:04 UTC 7 years ago

Let me see if I've got this straight.

The funnelweb spider is an extremely aggressive spider, known to jump almost 2', and has a venom which can kill an adult human in 2 hours.

Recent weather conditions have caused there to be an unusual number of these spiders near humans, such that there's a concern about having adequate supplies of anti-venom.

In order to combat this, they're asking people to catch the spiders?

Either they haven't thought this through, or Australia is more of a Darwin's playground than I ever imagined.

January 27 2010, 14:19:50 UTC 7 years ago

Near as I can figure, people are simply used to dropping venomous creatures off at the reptile park--it's just what you do. I imagine it's kind of like when I find the odd bird or bat or squirrel in my basement and manage to catch it, then drive it to the local wildlife rehab center for safekeeping and care. The major difference being, of course, that my sparrows, little brown bats and baby squirrels aren't thrashing repositories of necrotic, deadly venom. But still, I've had friends look at me with wide-eyed horror and gasp, "You CAUGHT a BAT?" I don't see the problem. Maybe the Australians are just so used to it, they think nothing of sticking the spider in a jam jar or the taipan in a pillowcase. Who am I -- the great bat wrangler of NJ -- to judge?

;)

January 27 2010, 14:32:57 UTC 7 years ago

I think I'm going to go with the notion that Australians are crazy. I'm pretty sure they'll own that.

Amusingly, I just recently received a bat from NJ. It was dead. And skeletonized. (And if I ever found something like that in my kitchen, I would Cleanse With Fire.)

January 27 2010, 15:26:28 UTC 7 years ago

The bat or the funnel spider? In your kitchen, I mean.

January 27 2010, 15:28:40 UTC 7 years ago

Both, actually. But the dead, skeletonized bat was found in an unused tea pitcher in a friend's kitchen.

If I found a funnelweb spider in my house I'd call the EPA.