Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Things Seanan Isn't Allowed To Discuss With the Reporter.

So I have a reporter from the Contra Costa Times coming over this afternoon to interview me and take some pictures for a local author profile piece. This is pretty cool. I've never been profiled in the newspaper before. We've cleaned the whole house (for values of "we" that mean "mostly my mother"), my room is slightly less of an EPA hazard zone than usual, and the cats have been thoroughly lectured on not throwing up in front of the cameraman. After a great deal of discussion, I have agreed to the following list of Things Seanan Isn't Allowed To Discuss With the Reporter (unless she starts it):

1. The Black Death.
2. Parasites.
3. How parasites caused us to evolve gender.
4. Endemic bubonic plague in California's ground squirrels.
5. The X-Men.
6. Crazy Australian mermaid shows.
7. Anything involving venom.
8. Dinosaurs.
9. The inevitability of the zombie apocalypse.
10. Anything that involves socially unacceptable hand gestures.
11. The ineffective nature of H1N1 as a slatewiper pandemic.
12. How my pandemic would be better.
13. Pandemics, period.
14. My collection of My Little Ponies.
15. My collection of plush weaponry.
16. My collection of plush viruses.
17. Banana slugs.
18. How to evolve a society of pseudo-mammal telepaths from parasitic wasps.
19. Why you would want to do that in the first place.
20. Giant squid.
21. Reality television.
22. Bedbug reproduction.
23. Anything Kate won't let me talk about during dinner.
24. Necrosis.
25. The slow conversion of aspartame into formaldehyde.
26. Monkeyspheres.
27. The fact that the turtle couldn't help us.
28. My limited and specialized knowledge of ASL.
29. The virtues of the machete vs. the meat cleaver.
30. That vial of liquid mercury I bought at a garage sale.
31. Tarantulas.
32. Cheese.
33. Jerusalem crickets.
34. What I did last summer.
35. The vast disparity between women's "appropriate" weight and the things women eat in television commercials.
36. Evil Dead: the Musical.
37. Why you should turn to cannibalism immediately when stranded on a desert island.
38. Kuru.
39. Flensing.
40. Parthenogenic reproduction.
41. Reasons to go crawling around in a sewer.
42. Observing autopsies.
43. Why yoga is better with Rob Zombie.
44. SyFy Original Movies.
45. The drinking games that accompany same.
46. Why I went to Waverly Place last time I was in Manhattan.
47. Pie.
48. Pi.
49. Structured poetry.
50. People as an available source of protein.
Tags: interviews, magazines and me, pandemic time, silliness, so the marilyn
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 170 comments
Why go immediately to cannibalism?
Isn't it obvious? People are a very poor converter of calories. The sooner you get rid of the other calorie consumers, the longer your extant food supplies will last. And, well, there's no sense in letting good calories go to waste.

However, there are some reasons and circumstances in which one should delay. First, if there's a perishable food supply which cannot be consumed by one person prior to it spoiling, then wait until that has been consumed first - in other words, eat in order of food perishability. Second, if the other individual is a net calorie contributor - i.e., by virtue of being a very good fisherman or hunter. Third, it's best to wait until the other person(s) have contributed to the best of their ability to your own survival - building signal fires, teaching you necessary skills, building shelter, setting up a water distillation apparatus, that sort of thing. Plus they'll be tired then and easier to kill. Lastly, The more humane-minded sort might wish to wait a few days in case of a speedy rescue.
There's also legal issues. If you are *ever* rescued and it's discovered that you killed and ate other people who were stranded on the island with you, you will be tried for murder. There's case law that the necessity defense does not apply to killing people for food in a survival situation. There's even a case of people being hanged for murder even though the group had agreed to draw lots to see who would be killed.

Cannibalism is only a good survival strategy if:

1. You're more likely to die without resorting to cannibalism than you are to be rescued,
2. You're confident of your ability to conceal or destroy the evidence,
3. Or, you are not the cause of death of your emergency protein sources.
You have a point. On the plus side, they wouldn't be able to testify against you.
And, well, I'd rather be tried for murder than die of starvation.
Oh come on... HAve you never seen CSI or NCIS or Quincy??? Dead men DO tell tales... and the teeth marks on the bones would be very substantial evidence.
Well... XKCD says it well.

Also, bite marks don't say when the bite marks were made. And cremation gets rid of any soft-tissue evidence. Still - murder trial vs. death by starvation. I know which one I'd pick.
True and True.
I suppose the tricky bit would be proving what the cause of death of your emergency protein sources WERE.

In theory, I find the concept of emergency cannibalism where you are NOT the cause of death to be unpleasant (and medically dangerous) but acceptable. However, I don't know how trustworthy people would be about not edging others into an earlier death in such situations.
So as to eat the people before they lose all their useful vitamins and minerals due to malnutrition. Also, keeps them from talking all the damn time while you're stranded.
Ah. That makes sense.