Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: amused
  • Music: Glee, "Don't Rain On My Parade."

Things Seanan Isn't Allowed To Discuss With the Reporter.

So I have a reporter from the Contra Costa Times coming over this afternoon to interview me and take some pictures for a local author profile piece. This is pretty cool. I've never been profiled in the newspaper before. We've cleaned the whole house (for values of "we" that mean "mostly my mother"), my room is slightly less of an EPA hazard zone than usual, and the cats have been thoroughly lectured on not throwing up in front of the cameraman. After a great deal of discussion, I have agreed to the following list of Things Seanan Isn't Allowed To Discuss With the Reporter (unless she starts it):

1. The Black Death.
2. Parasites.
3. How parasites caused us to evolve gender.
4. Endemic bubonic plague in California's ground squirrels.
5. The X-Men.
6. Crazy Australian mermaid shows.
7. Anything involving venom.
8. Dinosaurs.
9. The inevitability of the zombie apocalypse.
10. Anything that involves socially unacceptable hand gestures.
11. The ineffective nature of H1N1 as a slatewiper pandemic.
12. How my pandemic would be better.
13. Pandemics, period.
14. My collection of My Little Ponies.
15. My collection of plush weaponry.
16. My collection of plush viruses.
17. Banana slugs.
18. How to evolve a society of pseudo-mammal telepaths from parasitic wasps.
19. Why you would want to do that in the first place.
20. Giant squid.
21. Reality television.
22. Bedbug reproduction.
23. Anything Kate won't let me talk about during dinner.
24. Necrosis.
25. The slow conversion of aspartame into formaldehyde.
26. Monkeyspheres.
27. The fact that the turtle couldn't help us.
28. My limited and specialized knowledge of ASL.
29. The virtues of the machete vs. the meat cleaver.
30. That vial of liquid mercury I bought at a garage sale.
31. Tarantulas.
32. Cheese.
33. Jerusalem crickets.
34. What I did last summer.
35. The vast disparity between women's "appropriate" weight and the things women eat in television commercials.
36. Evil Dead: the Musical.
37. Why you should turn to cannibalism immediately when stranded on a desert island.
38. Kuru.
39. Flensing.
40. Parthenogenic reproduction.
41. Reasons to go crawling around in a sewer.
42. Observing autopsies.
43. Why yoga is better with Rob Zombie.
44. SyFy Original Movies.
45. The drinking games that accompany same.
46. Why I went to Waverly Place last time I was in Manhattan.
47. Pie.
48. Pi.
49. Structured poetry.
50. People as an available source of protein.
Tags: interviews, magazines and me, pandemic time, silliness, so the marilyn
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liamstliam

January 7 2010, 20:09:00 UTC 7 years ago

I think you should speak through Lily.

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:10:24 UTC 7 years ago

Lilly would agree to this only if placated with tuna.

liamstliam

7 years ago

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jongibbs

January 7 2010, 20:10:10 UTC 7 years ago

That's a long list.

Enjoy the interview :)

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:10:31 UTC 7 years ago

I'll do my best!

wendigomountain

January 7 2010, 20:23:26 UTC 7 years ago

This doesn't leave a lot to talk about. What, the weather? Sweaters? John Merrick? Zombie slash fic?

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:10:54 UTC 7 years ago

Oh, there's plenty, but the actual reason for the interview is that wacky writing thing I do, so I figure we'll be focusing on that.

wendigomountain

7 years ago

  • New comment

silvertwi

January 7 2010, 20:34:14 UTC 7 years ago

I think someone should send the list to the reporter to save Seanan the trouble of dancing around the topics. :P

What? I want to read more about most of those. And zombies seem to be a socially-acceptable topic of conversation in the general population.

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:11:08 UTC 7 years ago

That's true. It's weird how that happened.

martianmooncrab

January 7 2010, 20:36:22 UTC 7 years ago

Things Seanan Isn't Allowed To Discuss With the Reporter

that is an awesome list, and acceptable topics at dinner at my house.

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:11:24 UTC 7 years ago

Your house is now an acceptable place to eat dinner.

martianmooncrab

7 years ago

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saaski_moql

January 7 2010, 20:36:23 UTC 7 years ago

I vote for getting posts discussing #18&19, as well as #35 and #49 at some point in the near future.

ladyfox7oaks

January 7 2010, 20:44:55 UTC 7 years ago

I believe I must second this!

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

  • New comment

saaski_moql

7 years ago

  • New comment

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

  • New comment

snowcoma

January 7 2010, 20:45:34 UTC 7 years ago

I think you just found your next series of essays!

Also, <3

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:23:07 UTC 7 years ago

Heee.

Amy'll kill me.

ohari

January 7 2010, 21:18:17 UTC 7 years ago

I am giggling uncontrollably, wishing there were more posts on #47.

Good Luck getting interviewed!

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:23:30 UTC 7 years ago

Sadly, part of why I'm not supposed to discuss pie is that most people find my dislike of the stuff unsettling.

ohari

7 years ago

  • New comment

angel_vixen

7 years ago

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netpositive

7 years ago

  • New comment

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

  • New comment

scholarinexile

January 7 2010, 21:19:45 UTC 7 years ago

...so what's left to discuss?

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:23:37 UTC 7 years ago

Books.

scholarinexile

7 years ago

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herefox

January 7 2010, 21:34:13 UTC 7 years ago

So should I be worried that immediately after "Anything that Kate won't let me talk about during dinner." is immediately followed by "Necrosis" so presumably this IS a valid dinner topic? ;-)

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:23:48 UTC 7 years ago

If it's just me and her, it's totally allowed.

dormouse_in_tea

7 years ago

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popfiend

January 7 2010, 21:41:39 UTC 7 years ago

Are you allowed to breathe?

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:23:55 UTC 7 years ago

Thankfully, yes.

lovefromgirl

January 7 2010, 22:02:25 UTC 7 years ago

23. Anything Kate won't let me talk about during dinner.
24. Necrosis.

She lets you talk about necrosis?

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:24:05 UTC 7 years ago

Yes. This is part of why I love her so.

maverick_weirdo

January 7 2010, 22:29:26 UTC 7 years ago

Jersey Devil?
Carniverous Plants?
Joss Whedon?

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:24:17 UTC 7 years ago

All of these are allowed by the current list of the forbidden.

ravens_shadow

January 7 2010, 22:41:45 UTC 7 years ago

The X-Men and Evil Dead: The Musical should be required to discuss in an interview, frankly. Throw in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and you've got the trifecta.

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:24:29 UTC 7 years ago

A triple-play of geeky goodness!

ravens_shadow

7 years ago

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madtom_o_bedlam

January 7 2010, 22:45:26 UTC 7 years ago

I think you should pick up a cat or a reptile and have the whole interview in 3rd person while you pretend that the animal speaks for you.

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:24:44 UTC 7 years ago

Alice might put up with that. Lilly, not so much.

Great List!

urban_terrorist

January 7 2010, 22:47:58 UTC 7 years ago


Yeah, Fantastic. I gotta use these on some of the people I'm setting up for interviews over the next couple of weeks!

Re: Great List!

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:24:55 UTC 7 years ago

Have fun with that!

Re: #3

amazon_syren

January 7 2010, 23:20:57 UTC 7 years ago

Evolve gender or evolve more than one set of distintive sex characteristics?

Re: #3

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:26:05 UTC 7 years ago

Hmm. I'm going to go with both. While the actual evolutionary shove was toward the development of distinctive sexual characteristics, if we were all parthenogenic/hermaphroditic, I don't think we'd have the same concept of a gender spectrum, and would thus have developed different emotional, psychological, and intellectual borders by which to define ourselves.

gorgeousgary

January 7 2010, 23:32:52 UTC 7 years ago

If I'm reading this list correctly, it looks like you are allowed to tell the reporter that James Gunn needs to call you.

seanan_mcguire

January 8 2010, 05:25:16 UTC 7 years ago

True!

vincentursus

January 8 2010, 01:21:49 UTC 7 years ago

I would like meet with you at some point and then roll dice to determine which of these things I would then ask you to talk about.

Come to think of it, that would qualify as a panel discussion at a con.

seanan_mcguire

January 8 2010, 05:25:29 UTC 7 years ago

...that would make a fantastic panel. Dude.

dimloep_suum

January 8 2010, 01:44:26 UTC 7 years ago

Necrosis is totally an appropriate topic of dinner conversation.

seanan_mcguire

January 8 2010, 05:25:44 UTC 7 years ago

As is your icon.

OMG LOVE.

dimloep_suum

7 years ago

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dornbeast

January 8 2010, 03:48:53 UTC 7 years ago

Wait a minute. Was Alice an original movie, or an original series?

I think that might make a difference.

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

January 8 2010, 05:26:54 UTC 7 years ago

Now, now. Flensing just takes off the skin. Now, dust-buster liposuction on the other hand...

The conversion definitely happens. The question is how much you get. I want to try embalming a squirrel.

sysrae

January 8 2010, 10:31:07 UTC 7 years ago

Not to be all internet-stalkery, but one day we will meet, and I will ask for a conversation which features ALL THESE THINGS.

seanan_mcguire

January 8 2010, 22:47:01 UTC 7 years ago

And that will be a very, very strange, very, very awesome discussion.

drakemonger

January 8 2010, 21:01:13 UTC 7 years ago

Can you explain please how gender results from parasites? Or point me to an explanation.

Also, this image made me think of you. http://epicwinftw.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/snowmen2.jpg

I promise that at the time I posted the link, it wasn't goatse-like.

seanan_mcguire

January 8 2010, 22:47:31 UTC 7 years ago

Go read Parasite Rex; it explains things nicely. Otherwise, I will eventually post about it, since people clearly want to know.

Dude, snowmen of VICTORY AND WIN!

beeker121

January 9 2010, 03:36:39 UTC 7 years ago

RE #16 - for the holidays this year I bought my twin niece and nephew (aged 5 months) the common cold and the swine flu, both suitably plush. I think I'll have to wait for them to be in high school to get either of them chlamydia, no matter how cute it is.

seanan_mcguire

January 11 2010, 16:04:31 UTC 7 years ago

You rule.
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