Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: amused
  • Music: Glee, "Don't Rain On My Parade."

Things Seanan Isn't Allowed To Discuss With the Reporter.

So I have a reporter from the Contra Costa Times coming over this afternoon to interview me and take some pictures for a local author profile piece. This is pretty cool. I've never been profiled in the newspaper before. We've cleaned the whole house (for values of "we" that mean "mostly my mother"), my room is slightly less of an EPA hazard zone than usual, and the cats have been thoroughly lectured on not throwing up in front of the cameraman. After a great deal of discussion, I have agreed to the following list of Things Seanan Isn't Allowed To Discuss With the Reporter (unless she starts it):

1. The Black Death.
2. Parasites.
3. How parasites caused us to evolve gender.
4. Endemic bubonic plague in California's ground squirrels.
5. The X-Men.
6. Crazy Australian mermaid shows.
7. Anything involving venom.
8. Dinosaurs.
9. The inevitability of the zombie apocalypse.
10. Anything that involves socially unacceptable hand gestures.
11. The ineffective nature of H1N1 as a slatewiper pandemic.
12. How my pandemic would be better.
13. Pandemics, period.
14. My collection of My Little Ponies.
15. My collection of plush weaponry.
16. My collection of plush viruses.
17. Banana slugs.
18. How to evolve a society of pseudo-mammal telepaths from parasitic wasps.
19. Why you would want to do that in the first place.
20. Giant squid.
21. Reality television.
22. Bedbug reproduction.
23. Anything Kate won't let me talk about during dinner.
24. Necrosis.
25. The slow conversion of aspartame into formaldehyde.
26. Monkeyspheres.
27. The fact that the turtle couldn't help us.
28. My limited and specialized knowledge of ASL.
29. The virtues of the machete vs. the meat cleaver.
30. That vial of liquid mercury I bought at a garage sale.
31. Tarantulas.
32. Cheese.
33. Jerusalem crickets.
34. What I did last summer.
35. The vast disparity between women's "appropriate" weight and the things women eat in television commercials.
36. Evil Dead: the Musical.
37. Why you should turn to cannibalism immediately when stranded on a desert island.
38. Kuru.
39. Flensing.
40. Parthenogenic reproduction.
41. Reasons to go crawling around in a sewer.
42. Observing autopsies.
43. Why yoga is better with Rob Zombie.
44. SyFy Original Movies.
45. The drinking games that accompany same.
46. Why I went to Waverly Place last time I was in Manhattan.
47. Pie.
48. Pi.
49. Structured poetry.
50. People as an available source of protein.
Tags: interviews, magazines and me, pandemic time, silliness, so the marilyn
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okayokayigive

January 7 2010, 19:20:40 UTC 7 years ago

Why yoga is better with Rob Zombie.

I am *so* digging out some White Zombie for my afternoon pilates today...

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 19:25:34 UTC 7 years ago

Rock on!

lavenderfae9

January 7 2010, 19:22:24 UTC 7 years ago

Good Gods! What's left to talk about?

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 19:25:49 UTC 7 years ago

The books. The cats. Cupcakes.

geojlc

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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dimloep_suum

7 years ago

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dornbeast

7 years ago

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angel_vixen

January 7 2010, 19:22:49 UTC 7 years ago

30. That vial of liquid mercury I bought at a garage sale.

Actually, that's really cool, and I think #49 should be a topic of conversation more often (along with mythology).

AngelVixen :-)

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 19:31:04 UTC 7 years ago

It's awesome. I want to use it to make hats, but the part where I'd go insane sort of makes the idea difficult.

lluad

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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ladymondegreen

7 years ago

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angel_vixen

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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Admittedly, my tenure in journalism was brief...

lastwordy_mcgee

January 7 2010, 19:30:30 UTC 7 years ago

...but if I were still doing that for a living, I would totally use your list as my "List of Topics to Ask Reticent Interviewees" every SINGLE time, regardless of who I was interviewing.

That might explain the above use of "brief."

Regardless, I want to print this list and use it at parties, when small talk is needed. At my very own parties, any of the above topics will go over like mad. At other people's parties, they will serve as effective filters for deciding who is worth talking to and who is not, thus saving me from the horror of mingling.

You, as usual, are brilliant and your list makes me smile. My very favorite birthday ever was spent at #36 (which then led to one of my very favorite "there was this one time..." stories ever, involving Ash's understudy having to stand-in for Ash's sister that night, script in hand and all, resulting in a MASSIVE standing ovation). Also, I would pay any gym any amount of money for #43. I may have to use your list as my LJ writing prompts for a while, since I have a memory, story or association for pretty much everything on it, including #23 if I replace "Kate" with "my stepmother."

Re: Admittedly, my tenure in journalism was brief...

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 22:53:18 UTC 7 years ago

Brief, yet clearly awesome. Also, I appreciate the fact that your parties would allow all these things as conversation starters. You clearly throw the right kind of party.

Evil Dead: the Musical is one of the true gems of our time, and I love it like whoa.

brimaresh

January 7 2010, 19:30:35 UTC 7 years ago

So that leaves slime mold and other fungi for the appropriate topics of conversation?

Or maybe archaeobacteria. They don't quite count as dinosaurs, or proper bacteria, right?

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 22:53:41 UTC 7 years ago

None of them made the list, so hey! I can be Egon!

brownkitty

January 7 2010, 19:30:38 UTC 7 years ago

No dinosaurs? Man, take all the fun out of life!

I suppose talking about Sweeny Todd would be against the rules too.

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 22:54:14 UTC 7 years ago

Yeah, almost certainly.

tibicina

January 7 2010, 19:33:22 UTC 7 years ago

Wait, so you /are/ allowed to discuss your collection of plush dinosaurs? Or is that covered under dinosaurs and the various 'no discussing creepy medical stuff' ones?

Also... what will you have left to talk about?

mariadkins

January 7 2010, 19:44:14 UTC 7 years ago

that's what i'm saying.

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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blythe025

January 7 2010, 19:36:17 UTC 7 years ago

You delight me. :D

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 22:55:02 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you! :)

janetmiles

January 7 2010, 19:36:56 UTC 7 years ago

I admit to being more than moderately curious about "28. My limited and specialized knowledge of ASL."

ann_totusek

January 7 2010, 19:38:07 UTC 7 years ago

I'm betting that would be the cuss words...

ladymondegreen

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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azurelunatic

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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More Expand

You have piqued my curiousity

ladyqkat

January 7 2010, 19:37:20 UTC 7 years ago

I want to know more about 3. How parasites caused us to evolve gender.
.

Congratulations on getting interviewed. FWIW, I think all of the best subjects are being sidelined. Just don't rave about cupcake cakes or you might end up being laughed at on CakeWrecks.

Re: You have piqued my curiousity

maniakes

January 7 2010, 19:42:04 UTC 7 years ago

I also want to know more about #3.

Re: You have piqued my curiousity

sheistheweather

7 years ago

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Re: You have piqued my curiousity

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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Re: You have piqued my curiousity

arielstarshadow

7 years ago

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Re: You have piqued my curiousity

madtom_o_bedlam

7 years ago

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Re: You have piqued my curiousity

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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More Expand

tikiera

January 7 2010, 19:38:43 UTC 7 years ago

Why go immediately to cannibalism?

hasufin

January 7 2010, 19:49:57 UTC 7 years ago

Isn't it obvious? People are a very poor converter of calories. The sooner you get rid of the other calorie consumers, the longer your extant food supplies will last. And, well, there's no sense in letting good calories go to waste.

However, there are some reasons and circumstances in which one should delay. First, if there's a perishable food supply which cannot be consumed by one person prior to it spoiling, then wait until that has been consumed first - in other words, eat in order of food perishability. Second, if the other individual is a net calorie contributor - i.e., by virtue of being a very good fisherman or hunter. Third, it's best to wait until the other person(s) have contributed to the best of their ability to your own survival - building signal fires, teaching you necessary skills, building shelter, setting up a water distillation apparatus, that sort of thing. Plus they'll be tired then and easier to kill. Lastly, The more humane-minded sort might wish to wait a few days in case of a speedy rescue.

maniakes

7 years ago

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hasufin

7 years ago

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ladyfox7oaks

7 years ago

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hasufin

7 years ago

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ladyfox7oaks

7 years ago

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celticdragonfly

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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tikiera

7 years ago

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ann_totusek

January 7 2010, 19:39:01 UTC 7 years ago

Could you compare and contrast pustules, macules, papules, boils and bullae?

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:02:14 UTC 7 years ago

I could!

ericcoleman

January 7 2010, 19:43:25 UTC 7 years ago

This looks more like a list of 50 reasons why we love Seanan.

ericcoleman

January 7 2010, 19:45:11 UTC 7 years ago

Oh, and I just read this list to my eldest son. "Who is this?" he said with a look of glee on his face. I think he's in love.

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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janeg

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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sdelmonte

January 7 2010, 19:44:18 UTC 7 years ago

On the whole, I would say you are more prepared to talk with the press than some of our curators. In fact, I almost wish they would talk about most of the topics on your list instead insisting on repeating the contents of the exhibition catalogue verbatim.

I will also note this: there is no such thing as off the record. Yes, you aren't being interviewed by 60 Minutes. But anything you say is fair game for publication, no matter what the reporter says. (I give this advice to anyone I know being interviewed. You would be surprised how little thought some otherwise bright people put into dealing with the press.)

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:03:22 UTC 7 years ago

Yeah, I know from the "never off the record" thing. I intend to be pleasant, friendly, slightly eccentric, and never, ever inappropriate. I can do it creepily well. Stepford Seanan is a horrifying sight.

hasufin

January 7 2010, 19:44:39 UTC 7 years ago

May I put in a request for discussions relating to numbers 3, 18, 19, 26-30, 38-40, and 42, please?

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:03:52 UTC 7 years ago

So noted.

dimloep_suum

7 years ago

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dormantdrake

January 7 2010, 19:45:10 UTC 7 years ago

I find those all to be fascinating subjects. Even when spoken of over dinner!

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:04:11 UTC 7 years ago

This proves that you are a fine human being, and I appreciate you.

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seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:04:29 UTC 7 years ago

So noted.

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:04:55 UTC 7 years ago

I have!

maniakes

January 7 2010, 19:50:24 UTC 7 years ago

Why are these topics to be avoided? All of them sound interesting, and it was your discussions of 1, 2, 4, 9, 11, 29, and 50 (as well as other topics that weren't on the list) at BayCon that lead me to start following your lj and to start buying and reading your books.

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:05:19 UTC 7 years ago

Largely because they tend to creep out people from mainstream newspapers, and I'd really rather not get the "scary freak" writeup.

quettalinde

January 7 2010, 19:55:16 UTC 7 years ago

Personally, I think I'd rather read the article featuring the above than the socially appropriate one. *almost sprayed drink at one point*

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:05:30 UTC 7 years ago

Hee.

That's good to know.

arielstarshadow

January 7 2010, 19:56:41 UTC 7 years ago

You realize that this is begging to be printed on a T-shirt, along with the following in bold letters at the top of the list:

ASK ME ABOUT:

ladyfox7oaks

January 7 2010, 20:35:37 UTC 7 years ago

(It would be the opposite of "Skippy's List"? )

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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beccastareyes

January 7 2010, 19:58:04 UTC 7 years ago

Damn, a lot of those sound like fun topics -- and some of the parasite and zombie ones might be book related. Then again, I gave my father plush bacteria on at least two separate Christmases*, so I might be a little... skewed.

* He mentioned using E. coli to synthesize something for his research, so I gave him an E. coli plushie to celebrate. And the Flesh Eating Bacteria because it was funny.

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:06:26 UTC 7 years ago

Plush bacteria are awesome. Don't let anybody tell you different. Ever.

vixyish

January 7 2010, 20:00:46 UTC 7 years ago

Anything visible is probably gonna come up in conversation, like your DVD collection, the plush, or the ponies.

Did Kate make this list?

aiglet

January 7 2010, 20:11:08 UTC 7 years ago

Amazingly, no -- I was commuting at the time.

So proud.

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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aiglet

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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shaharazad

January 7 2010, 20:01:50 UTC 7 years ago

This still leaves many possibilities:

-Nonzombie apocalypses
-Giant octopi
-Your collection of non-plush weaponry!
-People as an available source of carbohydrates, lipids, and trace minerals (if they shampoo with Head & Shoulders, there's your selenium requirement right there!)

And many others.

seanan_mcguire

January 7 2010, 23:07:26 UTC 7 years ago

See? There's lots to talk about.

rollick

January 7 2010, 20:05:30 UTC 7 years ago

Okay, this leaves me with a desire to interview you for The Onion, SOLELY about these topics.

janeg

January 7 2010, 22:05:38 UTC 7 years ago

You've named your hobgoblin Consistency and you write for the Onion - wish I knew you. But now I sort of do because we both know and love Seanan.

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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