Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire

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What happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. Seriously.

The Internet and Girls Gone Wild have more in common than you may think. They both encourage nudity. They both involve a lot of audio-visual equipment (and a lot of folks who once belonged to their high school A/V Clubs, myself included). They both look like fun, fun, fun until your daddy takes the T-Bird away, especially when you're half-drunk and it's spring break and nobody's telling you what to do you're not the boss of me. And, of course, both of them are a lot more public than you try to convince yourself when you wake up the next morning. You could walk into your living room one morning to discover that your kid sister has discovered your DVD hiding space, and be greeted with "Is that you/your girlfriend/Mom?" before you've even had a cup of coffee. But while DVDs get accidentally thrown in the microwave and no one's really rushing out to watch Girls Gone Wild: 1994, there's one big thing we all sometimes forget about the Internet.

The Internet is forever. You can't shove it in the microwave. Even if you take down a post, website, or poorly-considered picture, the odds are good that someone, somewhere, may have it in their cache...and may decide to re-post it, just because they can. "Because I can" is a totally valid reason for doing almost anything on the Internet. This is where the wild things are. The wild things have cookies. The wild things also have your really horrible fifth grade school photo, and they'd love an excuse to put it up.

The Internet is not as private as you think it is. I recently read a thread wherein an agent (not mine) said that she had decided not to work with someone because she saw a blog post they'd made, complaining about agency response times and being fairly unpleasant about it. Without saying anything about whether the response times were out of line—largely because I really don't know—I will say that I understand where the agent was coming from: I wouldn't want to enter into a professional relationship with someone whose response to irritation was to identify me by name while complaining loudly. It wouldn't be fun for either one of us. The agent went on to say that she had been notified of this post by a Google spider (magical Google spiders do that sort of thing), and that she later discovered that the blog post was, in fact, locked. Several people promptly started castigating her for being "unprofessional." Some even implied that she had broken into this person's account, or otherwise violated her privacy. Which, well...not so much.

If there was a privacy violation in this instance, it was on the part of the blogging site where the original entry was made—the blogging site that did not lock itself against Google spiders. (Now, I'm not very technical; it could be that the site can't be locked against spiders. If that's the case, I still say the blogging site was at fault, because they probably didn't include "locking a post will not prevent it being mined by search engines" in their privacy setting descriptions.) If there was a judgment error, it was on the part of the person who said "I'm going to use my blog to slam on someone I'm hoping to work with by name, rather than either being really, really vague, or by calling my best friend and ranting until I feel calm." Clicking on an email in your inbox? Not a privacy violation. Reading what it says? Also not a privacy violation. And sadly, the "unsee" button has yet to be invented for the human brain.

The Internet is never private. In the sixteen-plus years that I've been online, I've had embarrassing pictures crop up; I've sent emails and instant messages to the wrong people; I've messed up the privacy settings on blog posts; I've said things I regretted later, and had no way of taking back, ever. I've seen people I care about get burned really badly, either because their missteps were bigger than mine, or because they dodged a little more slowly. It's going to happen to all of us, forever, because that's what the Internet is. So I give you...

Seanan's Reminders for Surviving the Internet.

1. Remember that the thing you least want to have repeated is going to wind up being the one that that gets posted everywhere. The snarky off-handed comment or the bitchy update to your Facebook? The one you think only eight people will see? See, as soon as you think "at least only ____ will see this," it's time to re-think. It's okay to let it all out. Just consider whether you want to do it on a public forum, or via email or instant message to someone you trust.

2. It's not as private as you think it is. Blog posts, Twitter feeds, Facebook accounts, they're all a lot less secure than we like to think they are. People lose jobs because of pictures they put up on their Facebook. Authors lose readers because of things they say on their blogs. I am absolutely not saying "censor yourself into mashed potatoes." We are all people; we all have a right to the ball, and honestly, if you think I'm a freak because I love Disney and horror movies and chainsaws and frilly pink dresses and pumpkins and Halloween, you're probably right. We wouldn't have been good for each other anyway. But I've given serious thought to how much I wanted to share about all these things, and while I am absolutely honest, there are some things that just don't need to be shouted from the mountaintops.

3. Bridges burn easy, and they make a lovely light. We're all human here. If I stomp all over someone else's party, people will remember that. The person who was having the party is probably never going to want to invite me over again...and half their guests may well feel the same. When the person throwing that party is a professional in your chosen field, this is maybe not the best idea ever.

4. Tone doesn't always come through. I make a joke, you take offense and think I hate you forever. You make a snarky comment, I think it's hysterical and never leave you alone again. If people seem to be reacting to you in a way that is the opposite of what you expected, it may be time to step back and a) apologize for the confusion, followed by b) clarifying the situation. A vague disclaimer remains nobody's friend.

5. The Internet is forever. Keep it in mind.
Tags: contemplation, living in the future, technology
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  • 52 comments
So true. This ought to be mandatory reading.
Thank you.

Deleted comment

I'm not sure any of us will ever be perfect, but as long as we continue to make an effort, we can at least hope that our personal works in progress will be better than what we started with.
Oh god, so true.

No matter what the blog site says or does about their privacy settings, no matter what they promise you and/or what they disclaim, it's still, as Fishy used to point out, information stored on a server you do not control.

And blogging sites can change ownership, as we've all seen. Terms of Service can be changed without notice (and in worst cases violated or ignored). Bugs can happen in code.

I use locked posts for some things, but there are things I don't post at all, no matter how locked they can be, just in case.
Yup. It's why I do not post about personal things much.

I learned a long time ago (in Internet terms -- back when Fortrean was only Twotran Usenet and Gopher and FTP and mailing lists were all there was of 'community', before Uncle Tim had invented the Web) that anything I said would be identifiable -- because I could do that to others. So I post everything under an identifiable ID (unless LJ logs me out and I don't notice) and most of it with my real name or a well-known use-name.

But long before that I was taught as a child that if you aren't willing to stand by what you say --that you said it, not necessarily that you still agree with it, anyone can change their mind -- then don't say it, because someone will make you admit it even if you don't want to. Have I said things I regretted later? Of course. Have I written things which I later found out were incorrect? Certainly. But, unlike the owners of certain large site pretending to be an encyclopedia, I don't try to pretend that I never said or wrote it, because that never works in the long run. Better to admit to it, admit to being wrong, apologise if necessary, and then there is no scandal, no chance of being blackmailed, and most people will forget it.

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

linenoise

7 years ago

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

I don't trust privacy settings on public blogs as far as I can throw them. It still atonishes me the things people are willing to say because they think their post is "locked". I'm still of the theory that if you can't shout it in a public square don't put it in a public blog, locked or not. I also always remember that anything I might write (locked or not) could be read by my students, their parents, co-workers or my parents :).
Agreed. A properly managed site makes locked entries immune to search engines. But there's no guarantee that any site will stay properly managed forever. There's also no guarantee that the people who have access to your locked pages will all respect your privacy, or that they won't be tricked into violating it.

A couple of years ago there was a huge brouhaha when some third-party site conned people into giving them their LJ passwords and then posted everything on their friends lists for all the world to see without restrictions.

Rule 1: Don't give information you seriously need to conceal to anyone else, unless you really, really trust them.

Corollary a: NEVER give a password to a third-party website. Seriously distrust anyone who even asks for it.

saladofdoom

7 years ago

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

This, so much this. Also, it's entirely possible that the person accidentally posted it unlocked, then fixed it...after Google had spotted it. Too late!

I will post things I'd rather not everyone saw locked. I won't post things I think would be a disaster if everyone saw them.
Exactly.
Amen!

I've been known to tell people repeatedly that you shouldn't ever put anything in an email that you would mail on a postcard to the gossipingest person you've ever known. Because really, that's about all the privacy you're gonna get.

If you really want privacy, use paper. Paper can be burned. Anything else leaves a whole lot of traces behind on computers that you don't have any control over (and often no *knowledge* of).
Very, very true.
In the long run, I think a social rule will spring up that makes posting extremely outdated evidence of shocking behavior a faux pas in most circles: “You dug up a photo from 7 years ago to embarrass someone? What a loser!” But it will take a while for society to get there, and there will always be people who don’t care about those rules.
It hasn't happened in the rest of society, so I doubt it will. Look at the way relatives dig out embarassing photos at the slightest whim, especially to show to your close friends. Or the way friends will trot out embarassing stories about you to your family.

And then there are those who will do it "for your own good" (or possibly "for the good of" your prospective romantic interest). And of course blackmail has been around for aeons...

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

Good advice :)
Thank you. :)
that follows two basic rules.

1. never put anything into print you dont want to see on the front page of the National Enquirer, or used against you in a court of law.

2. the only way for 2 people to keep a secret is if one of them is dead.
Both very true.

keristor

7 years ago

It's been a long term rule in my social group not to put anything on the internet that you wouldn't want on a billboard outside your house.

Sure there are terrible pictures of me on the internet. But if they're really terrible? I call the person or e-mail them and ask them to take them down. If I thought they were going to threaten my potential for being employed, you bet I would contact the person who took them and ask to have them removed. It doesn't get rid of them forever, but if it gets them off the first page of Google Image search for a while, or at least until I get the job, that's good enough for me.

Of course, the strong corollary to this is 'if you don't want a picture of yourself doing that to show up on the Internet don't do it in public', which is frequently more difficult. See also Interfilk Auctions.
Truly, I had a sobering moment in class a month or so back when one of the Gr. 4 girls told me she had "google imaged" me. She commented there were lots of photos of me with a guitar... :) You bet that comment sent me scurrying to Google images to see what kind of convention photos of me were up there. Luckily, as the girl had told me, there were mostly photos of me singing with Urban Tapestry. That's all right, then.

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

ladymondegreen

7 years ago

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

Thanks for the reminder, especially in my business. My mother would be proud. ;)
Yay!
This is brilliant. I shall link to it.
Thank you!w
I got bitch-slapped by the Internet just a couple of weeks ago--your words are very true, and your advice spot-on. I'd encourage everyone to print this post out and put it next to every computer you use. In bold face.
Ouch on the bitch-slapping. My sympathies.
I agree with most of what you said -- just one technical note. I *am* technical (been doing various work related to networking infrastructure professionally since '01, and earlier for free): There is *NO* excuse for making a locked blog post available to search-engine spiders. Zero, zilch, nada. That is what we in the biz call a "security hole", and should be a public shame for whoever is responsible for maintaining that blog. If I were the writer you speak of, I'd move to a different blogging platform immediately (regardless whether I'd take your advice re: being careful.)

That said, a careful person assumes that the blogging site might have security issues -- if it's not the google spider, it's some dumb-ass cracking into the machines, zipping all they find up and posting it on e-mule. And then another dumb-ass finding it on e-mule, and posting on their blog "Mr. Famous Author said Agency sucks LOLOL" with the words of the original post following...
Good to know in re: the public shame, and I did say that was a bad thing if the blog site had the capacity and just didn't take care of business the way they were supposed to.

Very true about the suppositions of a careful person. Thanks for the techie tips!

keristor

7 years ago

Sadly, the Internet is only forever when you DON'T want it to be. When I am in search of something two whole years old, as I was this afternoon, it is a forest of 404s.
Ow. :( I'm sorry, honey.
Weeeell... I would congratulate you on your perspicacity, and I should, but really I wanted to compliment your taste in music.
Heh. Thanks!
Mr. Cryptic gives a thumbs up. :)
Thank you, Mr. Cryptic!
Maybe that's one of the attractions of the internet: it is very much like a small town :). I like the socialness of blogging; the back and forth, the sharing, the meeting people who aren't actually living in the small town I currently live in, but I know for sure I've posted a few embarrassing screamers, and seen a few, too; well, it's all part of it.

I know that some really try to make their blogs into, what do you call it...contact places, places to tell their fans all about their new works, um, what, like, well, you know what I mean? Networking! that's it, anyway, these become the dullest, imo, usually very bland and, after a while, like reading an infomercial.

Otoh, just being people, bobbles are part of the whole, they happen, it's part of what makes a community and spices up things. It's a funny dichotomy we have, here, between those who want to present a professional persona, those who present a casual persona, and those who are hopping on a soapbox, and then to bear in mind that, no matter how intimate it seems it really is all out there, ack!

It's funny how it all works, though :) Great post, lots to think about.
I don't mind the fact that people are human. I just wish sometimes that we'd all pause and think before we spoke, 'cause it would probably make the long run a lot less painful.

kara_gnome

7 years ago

Deleted comment

I honestly find the current intolerance toward mistakes rather terrifying, because I don't know anyone, myself included, who hasn't fucked up a time or ten. I especially hate the fact that since the Internet is forever, there's no time limit—things I did in high school aren't just funny things to mortify my younger relations with, they're things to castigate me for, even though they happened half my lifetime ago.

Here's hoping this, too, shall pass, because the lack of statute of limitations is incredibly scary to me.
I found this via sheistheweather and I have to say that this is a wonderful and insightful post. Thank you. :)
Well, thank you!