Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: cranky
  • Music: Glee, "Bust A Move."

I'm a professional, I swear,

I am a professional. I am aware of what is and is not appropriate conversation for polite company (although I sometimes forget when the topics of "pandemic disease" or "zombies" come up; sadly, I can be goaded into gleeful explanations of latency and droplet-based transmission just about anywhere, including the dinner table). I wear real grown-up shoes when I have to take business meetings, and I have a calm, measured telephone voice.

All this being said, there's a reason I don't usually take phone calls in my house.

The Agent called to discuss my upcoming trip to New York, during which we're going to be doing several dinner-type things, some meeting-type things, and a lot of hanging out. During our forty-minute or so discussion, she was treated to...

"Ow! Ow ow OW! Goddammit, Alice, get your claws out of my fucking leg!"
"No. No, you can't have that. No, that isn't yours. No."
"Get off of there! Jesus, cat, I swear, I will skin you."
"I can get new cats, you know. Better cats. Smaller cats. Cats that don't do that."
"Alice, give back my bra."
"I'm serious, Alice. Give me back my damn bra."
"THAT'S MY FUCKING BRA, CAT!"
"Okay, I give up. Just do whatever the fuck you want."

...all while we were having a serious business discussion. I swear, the fact that she hasn't drowned me and put me out of her misery is something of a miracle.
Tags: alice, cats, cranky blonde is cranky, personal superhero
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trialia

November 5 2009, 03:42:14 UTC 7 years ago

I'm sorry, I just cried laughing. XD! Gods, I love cats. Mind if I metaquotes this?

seanan_mcguire

November 5 2009, 03:50:40 UTC 7 years ago

Not at all. Enjoy! (More, enjoy the fact that my poor agent was trying to be professional the whole time.)

trialia

7 years ago

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mariadkins

7 years ago

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vixyish

November 5 2009, 03:44:14 UTC 7 years ago

...or just a sign that you're a *really* good match for each other. :)

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 16:33:06 UTC 7 years ago

That, also, is true.

mgucciard

November 5 2009, 03:52:11 UTC 7 years ago

Positively professional compared to some of the "interesting" folks I've had on conference bridges this month. :-)
I'd have been completely entertained, I suspect the agent was as well.

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 16:33:28 UTC 7 years ago

She seemed to be. Also, this is why I don't take conference calls at home.

kyrielle

November 5 2009, 03:58:40 UTC 7 years ago

*giggling* Oh, dear.

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 16:33:37 UTC 7 years ago

It was special.

wcg

November 5 2009, 04:00:24 UTC 7 years ago

Maybe Alice just wants her own publishing contract too?

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 16:34:04 UTC 7 years ago

Secrets to Controlling Your Hooman, by Alice Price-Healy Little Liddel Abernathy McGuire.

wcg

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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elucreh

November 5 2009, 04:06:21 UTC 7 years ago

It's when you report conversations like this that I breathe a deep breath of relief that she's taken an interest in my friend's writing. ^_^

YAY FOR AWESOME AGENTS!

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 16:34:10 UTC 7 years ago

Hee!

tezmillertm

November 5 2009, 04:09:04 UTC 7 years ago

And where the pumpkin was Lilly whilst all this was happening? She should've been safeguarding your bra! ;-)

dornbeast

November 5 2009, 07:44:06 UTC 7 years ago

For all we know, Lilly was watching, and grading Alice's performance.

("That was good work with the bra, but you need to use your mass more effectively...")

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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mskauri

November 5 2009, 04:09:08 UTC 7 years ago

OMG I can barely see to type, I'm laughing so hard!! I'll have to try the "I can get new cats, you know. Better cats. Smaller cats. Cats that don't do that." threat when one of our 6 starts acting out (behaviour expected to happen in oh, I don't know, 5 nanoseconds or so...).

THANK YOU for the laugh--it felt really good!

Oh and the agent? Total keeper!

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 16:39:48 UTC 7 years ago

The cats don't listen to the threats, unfortunately, but you're very welcome for the laugh!

beccastareyes

November 5 2009, 04:16:02 UTC 7 years ago

Does she have cats? Perhaps she understands -- I know I occasionally hear my mother yelling at her cats while on the phone with her. (I know cats, and I know Mom's cats, so it doesn't surprise me.)

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 16:40:09 UTC 7 years ago

No, but she has authors, and I increasingly think that it's essentially the same thing.

maniakes

November 5 2009, 04:21:37 UTC 7 years ago

I swear, the fact that she hasn't drowned me and put me out of her misery is something of a miracle.

Your agent, or Alice?

alethea_eastrid

November 5 2009, 14:20:59 UTC 7 years ago

My thought exactly...

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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cleothyla

November 5 2009, 04:58:30 UTC 7 years ago

I know exactly how you feel!(Dying with laughter!!!)

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 18:20:01 UTC 7 years ago

No dying.

lagringa

November 5 2009, 05:00:12 UTC 7 years ago

Funny, when I talk to your agent on the phone, she is subjected to much the same thing. Poor Diana.

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 18:20:25 UTC 7 years ago

At least she's not trying to have a conference call with both of us (and all our cats) at the same time.

chatworthy

November 5 2009, 05:01:01 UTC 7 years ago

Well, that would be easier to do next time you're in New York, jet lagged and exhausted.

But any agent that can't deal with interruptions from the author's cats or kids (or day job!) is quite possibly too high-strung to be a good agent.

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 18:20:34 UTC 7 years ago

Very true!

lisa_marli

November 5 2009, 05:10:56 UTC 7 years ago

*giggle*
Welcome to Parenting 101? That sounds like conversations with my daughter, only she's yelling at the kids. I swear Cats and Kids have a phone radar, "Let's bother Mom when she's on the phone!" They think it's fun.
You can never be professional once the "Kids" figure this out.
*le sigh*

slweippert

November 5 2009, 05:16:16 UTC 7 years ago

This is why I don't get much writing done when my son is around. Kids and animals have very good radar for when you're busy.

azurelunatic

7 years ago

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jacylrin

7 years ago

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mariadkins

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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slweippert

November 5 2009, 05:14:56 UTC 7 years ago

Now you have experience dealing with children. Congratulations! LOL

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 18:21:39 UTC 7 years ago

Children that I'm allowed to lock in the linen closet, no less. SCORE.

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seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 18:37:45 UTC 7 years ago

Whoops!

pocketnaomi

November 5 2009, 05:32:56 UTC 7 years ago

You're a professional with cats. She works with writers. She should be used to this. :)

aryana_filker

November 5 2009, 06:18:06 UTC 7 years ago

That's it. :)

seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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aryana_filker

November 5 2009, 06:17:35 UTC 7 years ago

*lol*
That could have been me... Tigs hates it when I'm on the phone.

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 18:38:05 UTC 7 years ago

Our cats know when they're being ignored!

aryana_filker

7 years ago

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keristor

November 5 2009, 08:47:00 UTC 7 years ago

LOL!

Anyone who phones someone at home on business (unless it is during business hours and the person is officially working from home in their own locked study) can expect that sort of thing. Cats, children, spouses (spice?), parents, neighbours, things on the stove, other random distractions (the thing I'm trying to extract from a pile causing the rest of the pile to collapse). I suspect she's used to it with writers.

(I would like to meet your agent, though, she sounds wonderful...)

jacylrin

November 5 2009, 13:45:06 UTC 7 years ago

Yes, many people have taken the plural of "spouse" to be "spice." This tends to come up in the polyamory community ;-)

mariadkins

7 years ago

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keristor

7 years ago

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jacylrin

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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scholarinexile

November 5 2009, 12:29:40 UTC 7 years ago

I think this is an indicator of being a cat owner, because I have phone conversations like this all the time. As well as periodically sending an instant message with a random string of e's in the middle because Eris just decided to live up to her namesake by charging across the keyboard.

And as for being a professional and knowing what is and is not appropriate professional conversation- um. As a forensic anthropologist and evolutionary biologist, appropriate topics of conversation for my profession include such things as fragmentation of human bodies in plane crashes and insect species in which natural selection favors allowing your mate to eat you, during sex. I have learned the hard way that, outside my professional circles, my friends typically do not want to hear about these things while we're out for appetizers, in doctors' offices, or in some cases, anywhere, period. One day, perhaps I'll learn not to bring them up.

jacylrin

November 5 2009, 13:46:37 UTC 7 years ago

Hey, I edit proposals for a government contractor, but I'd be happy to hear about such things wherever :-)

Then again, Seanan's flist is not exactly an accurate sampling of the general population ;-)

phillip2637

7 years ago

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jacylrin

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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jacylrin

7 years ago

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keristor

7 years ago

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jacylrin

7 years ago

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stevemb

7 years ago

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jacylrin

7 years ago

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angel_vixen

7 years ago

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droewyn

7 years ago

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seanan_mcguire

7 years ago

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scholarinexile

7 years ago

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shiyiya

7 years ago

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ravenclawed

November 5 2009, 13:32:29 UTC 7 years ago

ROTFLMAO! I agree, your agent is a total keeper.

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 18:44:22 UTC 7 years ago

I'm fond of her.

jacylrin

November 5 2009, 13:47:34 UTC 7 years ago

LOL. Sounds like trying to talk on the phone with my kids around. Or the dogs. Or the cats. All of them around? I give up. At least the hermit crabs stay in their tank (so far).

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 18:44:41 UTC 7 years ago

Back when I had hermit crabs, they got loose and we had to pursue them through the apartment.

jacylrin

7 years ago

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jacylrin

7 years ago

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shiyiya

7 years ago

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scholarinexile

7 years ago

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allaboutm_e

November 5 2009, 15:20:45 UTC 7 years ago

This really could've used a spew alert!

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 18:44:52 UTC 7 years ago

Alice is her own spew alert.

semy_of_pearls

November 5 2009, 16:18:50 UTC 7 years ago

She's your toddler. And we've all seen how similar toddlers and Maine Coons are.

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 18:45:11 UTC 7 years ago

Distressingly true.

pyre006

November 5 2009, 17:05:13 UTC 7 years ago

your alice and my rascal should get together and go bowling

(the best part is they don't care that they're pissing you off)

seanan_mcguire

November 6 2009, 18:45:18 UTC 7 years ago

Absolutely true.
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