Sometimes it's hard to be an old-school horror girl.: seanan

Sometimes it's hard to be an old-school horror girl.

This past Tuesday, a movie called The Thaw was released on DVD. Basically, Val Kilmer and a bunch of photogenic generic horror-movie twenty-somethings fight prehistoric parasites that come out of a really well-preserved mammoth corpse and try to eat everybody. From the trailer, they succeed in eating at least half the cast, which makes this film Highly Relevant To My Interests. Translation: I want it real bad.

Having failed to find the movie at Target—big surprise there, as they're not normally a real hotbed of hard-core direct-to-DVD horror action (unless it's a direct-to-DVD sequel to something that made mega-bucks)—I hied me over to Fry's, where I figured their low standards and massive selection would make me a happy little horror girl.

Issue number one: I couldn't find the damn movie. The horror section contained everything else that's ever been released and titled with something beginning with the letter "T," including The Tingler, which is pointless if you don't have someone standing behind you with a cattle prod (although I suppose you could lick batteries instead). Frustrated by the alphabet, I went looking for an employee.

I should probably have expected a problem when the employee called me "a nice young lady," as in "I'll be with you right after I help this nice young lady." Now, I don't object to any of these words, individually or as a group, and I don't even particularly mind them when applied to me. It's just that when I hear this phrase in a video store, it's almost always coming from someone who's about to try convincing me that I don't want what I want. But I was being hopeful.

"I'm looking for The Thaw. It came out Tuesday."
"Is that the new Sandra Bullock movie?"

Cue staring.

I eventually hammered it into his head that I was looking for a) a horror movie, b) a bad horror movie, and c) yes, I really meant it. He admitted that his computer was showing one copy in stock, and suggested I try the horror section. When I said I'd already looked there, he assigned one of the other clerks to help me find it (I think he didn't want to go himself for fear that they'd never find the body, as I was distinctly into "wishing you to the cornfield" mode). The clerk he sent proceeded to spend the next twenty minutes—as we went through the entire horror section, on the off-chance that it had been shelved wrong—trying to convince me that I wanted something else. Something nicer. From a different part of the store.

(Total aside: they put Ice Spiders out on DVD. ICE SPIDERS. Why the hell would anybody want to do that to an innocent blank disk?)

In the end, we didn't find my movie, I got tired of being looked at funny, and I went grumbling off to do something that didn't make me want to punch people. The utterly unhelpful clerk who'd been trying to shift me to the comedy aisle said I could special-order the movie. I told him that on Amazon, no one knows that I'm a perky-looking blonde.

Sometimes it's hard to be an old-school horror girl. And I still don't get to see Val Kilmer eaten alive by horrible prehistoric parasites.

Hmmph.

...go 1 level up... Expand

seanan_mcguire

October 9 2009, 15:14:28 UTC 7 years ago

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If I punch people in the face, I get banned from the store. This is so not relevant to my interests.

the_s_guy

October 9 2009, 15:32:42 UTC 7 years ago

We really need to chip in and get you some fitted fangs to bare at recalcitrant clerks and the like. :)

"Are you sure you wouldn't like a nice wholesome comedy instead OH DEAR GOD horror it is then, ma'am."

jacylrin

October 9 2009, 17:43:54 UTC 7 years ago

Yes! This!

*grin*

almeda

October 12 2009, 19:20:27 UTC 7 years ago

I see from your icon I am not the only person to have thought up the Halloween costume I wish to dress my 8-month-old infant in this year.

Darnit.

On the upside, any construction tips you'd like to share?

October 13 2009, 13:07:24 UTC 7 years ago

I did that costume when Cora was 4, I think. She picked it. For the Gom Jabbar, I bought a pack of those silly rubber fingertips with long fingernails on them. Then I covered it in duct tape, shaping the nail into a rolled point. Voila, Gom Jabbar that won't damage anyone. I sincerely recommend having a working sewing machine. At the time, mine was dead. Hand sewing was a PITA, to say the least. I spent a lot of quality time with the pause button and my DVD. Which age variant you choose to base the costume off of will, of course, impact your construction decisions. I made the top and skirt separately so the costume would grow with her a little. On an 8 month old, that might be more trouble than it's worth.

The icon is taken from this picture: http://www.wwco.com/~erw/alia2fix.jpg
Other views: http://www.wwco.com/~erw/alia1fix.jpg and http://www.wwco.com/~erw/alia3fix.jpg (where you can see that the ring on top is covered in black duct tape. Electrical tape would look better, and should I ever do it again, I'll use it, or cover the (floral foam ring) in fabric or something, but I was running short on time. Without the headdress, you can see a little of how I did the sleeve tops to match the movie: http://www.wwco.com/~erw/panel1.jpg

Good luck :-)