The nature of feedback.: seanan

The nature of feedback.

The human mind is an interesting thing.

jimhines (who doesn't use tags, and hence isn't getting a link-back here—sorry, Jim!) posted a while back about how it takes ten positives to equal one negative, and he's basically right. I mean, seriously, think back. How many times have you seen a friend (or been the friend) who gets told "wow, that's a fantastic dress" twenty times, then gets told "that dress makes you look like a bloated rhino" once, and puts the dress away forever? Or better still, burns it?

We seem programmed to make negative connections much more quickly than we make positive ones. Example: when I was a kid, I loved-loved-loved strawberry ice cream. I loved it so much that I ate way more than I should have at my sixth birthday, and made myself sick. It was about ten years before I could eat strawberry ice cream again. Another example: I had a big fight with a close friend over a book that she liked and I didn't. I now feel sick whenever I think about re-reading the book to see if I might like it better the second time, because it is forever linked in my mind to the feeling of being yelled at by someone I trusted.

We make positive connections, too—the treasured doll, the lucky T-shirt, the special song that was playing when you kissed your high school sweetheart for the first time (sadly, in my case, the song was by Gwar)—but they tend to be slower to form, which I think is a tragic flaw in the human emotional programming. (I can also see how this is a survival trait, since the ten non-venomous snakes you catch do not keep the eleventh snake from killing you. This does not change the part where I'd really rather be happy for ten snakes than petrified because of that potential future snake with the bitey, bitey fangs.)

I find it sort of depressing that one unkind word can shatter a good mood, especially because we seem so easy with the idea of slinging nastiness at one another—an ease that just grows with anonymity and the Internet (see also Gabe's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory). The resonance of negativity is tempting, because it's intoxicatingly powerful. If I'm having a bad day, everybody can be having a bad day, right? Yay! Bad days for everybody!

It's tiresome. I'd rather just have cupcakes and street pennies for everybody. The human brain is a mysterious and messed-up thing, and there are days when I really just want to take it apart with a chainsaw.

ETA: Jim found the post for me! Yay for Jim!

bearhand

October 2 2009, 16:26:34 UTC 7 years ago

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I've found that the internet has enabled the negative bloggers and jerks to be even more critical and nasty. I'm a college football geek nerd (woof woof woof GO GEORGIA!!!) and the sheer cruelty and trollic behaviour that hides behind the anonymity (where is spell check when I need it?) of a blog pseudonym is outrageous and some of the comments still irritate me, even though I KNOW they're not true and that if the person on the other end actually knew me, they'd never write those comments (because I'm a nice guy that can be prone to violence if coerced). I guess for most people, the negative catches your attention and the positive is background noise.

seanan_mcguire

October 2 2009, 16:47:03 UTC 7 years ago

It's the fuckwad theory. I think it's also an aspect of our culture. If I say "wow, Amy looks amazing today," I'm "inflating her ego" or "unfairly praising her"—sort of the "better to give than to receive" ethos as applied to interpersonal dynamics. Whereas if I say "wow, that dress makes Hilda look like a house," I'm making everyone who isn't Hilda feel better, while giving Hilda a "well-earned reality check."

Humans are awesome. Also why I carry a chainsaw.

October 2 2009, 16:54:24 UTC 7 years ago

Chainsaws are cool. They great for critics and zombies.

October 2 2009, 22:35:06 UTC 7 years ago

I would be lost without my chainsaw. LOST.

filkferengi

October 7 2009, 16:34:14 UTC 7 years ago

But the compass built into your chainsaw points to the nearest DDP and

vixyish. *want*

October 2 2009, 16:55:16 UTC 7 years ago

And bloggers who forget to use articles when needed.

alanajoli

October 5 2009, 23:48:33 UTC 7 years ago

Wow, I don't like to think about that aspect of our culture. I think it certainly exists, but I was also taught the old saying "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Thus, I'm far more likely to try to put a positive spin on something, even if the reality is that a dress is hideous, or just keep my darn mouth shut.

I'm also quite nervous about being overly negative in my reviews -- I always try to point out what an author did *right* as well as what I perceive the flaws to be, and I discuss why something doesn't work for me as a reader. I got really six of how much forced sex was showing up in my urban fantasy/paranormal romance review books, for example, and went on a bit of a rant -- but I tried to make it clear that this was something not working for *me*. It's obvious based on the market that a lot of folks are eating up that kind of thing without being perturbed.

But, you know, I try to be a nice person, which maybe isn't the general case for internet users.

October 7 2009, 18:25:56 UTC 7 years ago

I think it's important to be nice, because failure to be nice really increases the odds of getting hit with a brick. This doesn't mean lying (which I am so not saying you do, silence is not dishonesty), but it does mean trying hard to not be a dick.

I think you do a very good job. And I still want the plot-to-porn pie chart on all my urban fantasies.

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The nature of feedback.

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