We seem programmed to make negative connections much more quickly than we make positive ones. Example: when I was a kid, I loved-loved-loved strawberry ice cream. I loved it so much that I ate way more than I should have at my sixth birthday, and made myself sick. It was about ten years before I could eat strawberry ice cream again. Another example: I had a big fight with a close friend over a book that she liked and I didn't. I now feel sick whenever I think about re-reading the book to see if I might like it better the second time, because it is forever linked in my mind to the feeling of being yelled at by someone I trusted.
We make positive connections, too—the treasured doll, the lucky T-shirt, the special song that was playing when you kissed your high school sweetheart for the first time (sadly, in my case, the song was by Gwar)—but they tend to be slower to form, which I think is a tragic flaw in the human emotional programming. (I can also see how this is a survival trait, since the ten non-venomous snakes you catch do not keep the eleventh snake from killing you. This does not change the part where I'd really rather be happy for ten snakes than petrified because of that potential future snake with the bitey, bitey fangs.)
I find it sort of depressing that one unkind word can shatter a good mood, especially because we seem so easy with the idea of slinging nastiness at one another—an ease that just grows with anonymity and the Internet (see also Gabe's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory). The resonance of negativity is tempting, because it's intoxicatingly powerful. If I'm having a bad day, everybody can be having a bad day, right? Yay! Bad days for everybody!
It's tiresome. I'd rather just have cupcakes and street pennies for everybody. The human brain is a mysterious and messed-up thing, and there are days when I really just want to take it apart with a chainsaw.
ETA: Jim found the post for me! Yay for Jim!
October 2 2009, 16:06:56 UTC 7 years ago
But yes. The negative hits so much harder, and tends to last a lot longer, and it's infuriating. Pops up with writing and reviews too, as I'm sure you know. I hate that 9/10 people could love a book, and my brain will keep thinking about that 10th review.
So ... cupcakes, you say? :-)
October 2 2009, 16:09:07 UTC 7 years ago
I make excellent cupcakes. My candy corn cupcakes are to die for, assuming I get the sugar balances right and don't set the kitchen on fire (again).
I didn't sing in public for a good six years because of one guy being a jerk.
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October 2 2009, 16:23:17 UTC 7 years ago
Like a lot of things though, we still carry these behaviors forward, long after most of their usefulness has passed.
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October 2 2009, 16:47:03 UTC 7 years ago
Humans are awesome. Also why I carry a chainsaw.
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October 2 2009, 16:45:37 UTC 7 years ago
Also, good post. I was just explaining this to someone the other day.
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October 2 2009, 17:26:49 UTC 7 years ago
I cried when Bryon gave me a Mrs. Beasley for Christmas 5 years ago. She was my dearest childhood friend, and it also reminded me of a much more innocent time before my family turned awful.
Disassociation is too real. I had an anime series I loved until it was banged about by too many. You are so right.
I guess maybe the secret is to be thick skinned and not let things get you. I have yet to learn that secret, all the time.
Catherine
October 4 2009, 03:30:13 UTC 7 years ago
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October 2 2009, 17:34:49 UTC 7 years ago
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October 2 2009, 17:55:01 UTC 7 years ago
I am dreadful at bad reviews and such. They really derail me. The worst, though, was when someone I thought was a friend savaged me for writing fiction on the grounds that me writing made some-one else feel inadequate. I was so shocked and so off-balanced I didn't write proper fiction again for a decade. (I am so the author not to imitate.)
Writing and putting your writing out there is a risk. It's understandable that we are anxious about it.
October 2 2009, 18:10:37 UTC 7 years ago
Me, a complete stranger on the internet, would like to say that if your writing makes people feel inadequate -- presumably because you're good at it -- I am distinctly P.O.ed at that "friend" because I am always happy to read good authors. Good authors are role models and inspirations, not hurdles to be torn down so you can stand on their crushed egos. O:p
(And I didn't write for a year after a C- in a so-called "writing fiction" class, so I know what you mean about bad reviews sucking. Happily, gaming fiction got me back doing it again. Now, if I can just get this bonsai edit finished, I can go back to stalking agents' submission guidelines...)
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October 2 2009, 19:00:33 UTC 7 years ago
Granted, the consequences are worse by an order of magnitude if you screw up and get bitten, but if you use safe tools and techniques it's actually pretty hard to get bitten, especially by your average mellow, laid-back venomous snake on the end of a snake hook.
October 4 2009, 03:34:39 UTC 7 years ago
I love snakes. I'd rather have a chillin' cobra than a cranky cornsnake any day. But wow does that take a week to explain to most people. :)
October 2 2009, 19:05:34 UTC 7 years ago
I did the same thing .. and I still have the aversion to strawberry ice cream... I shared a half gallon of the stuff with my dog, while sitting on the back porch.
October 4 2009, 03:34:54 UTC 7 years ago
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Perhaps it's not just the negative...
October 2 2009, 21:35:30 UTC 7 years ago
Re: Perhaps it's not just the negative...
October 4 2009, 03:35:13 UTC 7 years ago
October 2 2009, 22:30:09 UTC 7 years ago
I was honestly pondering not renewing the domain for Kismetropolis since I get little to no feedback on it and there are scant few positives to counterbalance the Your Webcomic Is Bad And You Should Feel Bad "review" (read: trollflamehellpost) that made me feel miserable, and the people telling me "well, separate out the rudeness and crudity and see the valid criticism".
Positives are like butterflies that land on your nose, flap prettily for a second, and fly away.
Negatives are like those giant freaking mosquitoes from Land of the Lost that knock you flat and make it hard to get back up again.
October 4 2009, 03:36:24 UTC 7 years ago
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October 4 2009, 03:37:39 UTC 7 years ago
You always make me happy, and I am complimented just by the fact that you're my friend. It says I'm a better person than the negativity sometimes makes me think I am. :)
Love you lots, see you soon.
October 3 2009, 17:41:48 UTC 7 years ago Edited: October 3 2009, 17:46:59 UTC
Candy corn cupcakes: yum.
Speaking of which, I have found soft pumpkin cookies. From Cougar Mountain, they have pumpkin as a main ingredient and taste pumpkinny.
October 4 2009, 03:37:49 UTC 7 years ago
October 5 2009, 14:36:02 UTC 7 years ago
2. Penny Arcade, and Jon Gabriel's Geater Internet Fuckwad Theory, are awesome.
3. I Quit by Hepburn is an awesome song, not least because it's from the original Buffy soundtrack. Yay pop culture!
October 7 2009, 18:23:24 UTC 7 years ago
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