Seanan McGuire (seanan_mcguire) wrote,
Seanan McGuire
seanan_mcguire
  • Mood: quixotic
  • Music: The Bohnhoffs, 'Moebius Street.'

In which Seanan gets a manicure.

Now, as I am Going To New York to do Very Important Business, for which I have purchased a suit and shoes and everything, it seemed best that I do something to make my hands look less like the hands of someone who regularly goes rooting through mud puddles after frogs, IE, 'less like my hands.' So I went to get my first manicure.

It turns out that manicures are pretty awesome. First, dangerous, pointy objects are used to clip and shape the nails until they are all essentially the same length. This means that I now have no fingernails to speak of, but dammit, they match. Then, caustic chemicals are used to soften and dissolve the cuticles. SOFTEN AND DISSOLVE, PEOPLE! So very awesome.

Once the cuticles have been softened and dissolved, more sharp objects are used to start trimming off all the dead and excess skin. We wound up with a heap of the crap, thus confirming that yes, this was my first manicure. Seriously, we could grow, like, eight clones from the stuff the manicurist trimmed off my fingers. Note that we still have no polishing going on. Nail polish is like, the smallest part of the manicure.

Everything is now smoothed and shaped, and it's time for hand-massage and exfoliation. Dude, I now understand why people get manicures, because I learned some awesome new massage techniques just by watching. So much of my stress, gone like the wind. Also, this is where your horribly abused cuticles get doused in cuticle oil, which is sort of like magical regenerative slime. Magic slime feels goooooooooooooooood.

At last, nail polish. I was allowed to select my own color, thus proving that the customer is always right, however tasteless they may choose to be. My nails are now a shade of orange called 'Don't Be Koi With Me.' As this is the Toby trip, this seems entirely appropriate. I'll save the Embalming Fluid for the Newsflesh trip. I have no clue what I'll do about Lycanthropy; anybody got a polish color called Oops I Ate The Cat?

And that is the story of the manicure. A tale of sharp objects, acidic fluids, noxious chemicals, and exotic massage.

Manicures are awesome.
Tags: so the marilyn
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  • 27 comments
...go 5 levels up... Expand

fireriven

July 9 2008, 18:16:08 UTC 9 years ago

I am creeped out by how you used a comment that should have been about men and nail polish to try and prove how much better you think you know Seanan.

technoshaman

July 9 2008, 21:05:44 UTC 9 years ago

*bewilderment*

*wanders off, which is probably the desired effect*

tibicina

July 9 2008, 21:33:31 UTC 9 years ago

*sighs* Do you really not understand why the comment to which she responded sparked this reaction? Go back and read the thread again. Perhaps try to imagine it as viewed by someone else.

You basically responded to 'straight men knowing about nail polish isn't particularly weird' with a comment about how you've been reading Seanan's journal so long and come to know her well.

As an aside: you do not know Seanan nearly as well as you think that you do. I love you dearly, but your comments to her have been getting creepier and creepier and a lot of them make it sound like you think that you are one of her best friends. The fact that you have managed to comment (often multiple times) on every post of hers except the one on false intimacy created by the internet is amazing.

Though I must admit that my first reaction to your 'oooooo....kay' thing was that I thought better of you than that comment. It...betrays all sorts of completely unreasonable prejudices which I would not have attributed to you.