In which Seanan gets a manicure.: seanan

In which Seanan gets a manicure.

Now, as I am Going To New York to do Very Important Business, for which I have purchased a suit and shoes and everything, it seemed best that I do something to make my hands look less like the hands of someone who regularly goes rooting through mud puddles after frogs, IE, 'less like my hands.' So I went to get my first manicure.

It turns out that manicures are pretty awesome. First, dangerous, pointy objects are used to clip and shape the nails until they are all essentially the same length. This means that I now have no fingernails to speak of, but dammit, they match. Then, caustic chemicals are used to soften and dissolve the cuticles. SOFTEN AND DISSOLVE, PEOPLE! So very awesome.

Once the cuticles have been softened and dissolved, more sharp objects are used to start trimming off all the dead and excess skin. We wound up with a heap of the crap, thus confirming that yes, this was my first manicure. Seriously, we could grow, like, eight clones from the stuff the manicurist trimmed off my fingers. Note that we still have no polishing going on. Nail polish is like, the smallest part of the manicure.

Everything is now smoothed and shaped, and it's time for hand-massage and exfoliation. Dude, I now understand why people get manicures, because I learned some awesome new massage techniques just by watching. So much of my stress, gone like the wind. Also, this is where your horribly abused cuticles get doused in cuticle oil, which is sort of like magical regenerative slime. Magic slime feels goooooooooooooooood.

At last, nail polish. I was allowed to select my own color, thus proving that the customer is always right, however tasteless they may choose to be. My nails are now a shade of orange called 'Don't Be Koi With Me.' As this is the Toby trip, this seems entirely appropriate. I'll save the Embalming Fluid for the Newsflesh trip. I have no clue what I'll do about Lycanthropy; anybody got a polish color called Oops I Ate The Cat?

And that is the story of the manicure. A tale of sharp objects, acidic fluids, noxious chemicals, and exotic massage.

Manicures are awesome.

hsifyppah

July 9 2008, 01:21:46 UTC 8 years ago

New comment

I think the lycanthropy polish is them gluing little squares of fun-fur on to your nails.

vixyish

July 9 2008, 05:09:16 UTC 8 years ago

They do make animal-print nail stickers and such.

vaspider

July 9 2008, 20:27:56 UTC 8 years ago

Beat me to it.

Also, I might have to get a manicure just for the cuticle abuse. My poor cuticles are horrifyingly bad, because my idea of hand and nail care is 'slap some lotion on there daily, also, cut off the nails when they get past your fingertips, because you can't stand the way they get in the way of typing or texting.'

libgirl

July 9 2008, 01:22:12 UTC 8 years ago

Sounds like you had a fabulous time ;).

I've never had a manicure, but the pedicure process is very similar with added soaked of poor abused feet and scrubbing of dead skin. ;)

closer2myself

July 9 2008, 01:32:32 UTC 8 years ago

Have you had a pedicure? It's like, 10x more awesome. I've gone in for pedis, screw the mani, just give me a spa pedi now and again and I'm a happy girl.

kyleri

July 9 2008, 01:53:40 UTC 8 years ago

_Dissolve_ your cuticles?

NEVER GETTING A MANICURE.

*flails*

catnip13

July 9 2008, 01:54:31 UTC 8 years ago

Dittoing the rapture over pedicures.

July 9 2008, 02:20:31 UTC 8 years ago

Oh, and 'Don't Be Koi With Me' is hilarious!

Deleted comment

kyrielle

July 9 2008, 03:01:47 UTC 8 years ago

...Don't Be Koi With Me. OMG. I love it, that's perfect.

yolandasfetsos

July 9 2008, 04:24:22 UTC 8 years ago

Wow, you make it sound so interesting. You know, I've never had a manicure, or a pedicure. Ever. And I've had long nails since I was a teenager, but I always take care of them myself. It's not as fun as the whole 'sharp objects, acidic fluids, noxious chemicals, and exotic massage' though. ;)

July 9 2008, 05:10:16 UTC 8 years ago

Wowsers! I've only had tips put on; I didn't get the whole treatment like that. Clearly I was going to the wrong places!

technoshaman

July 9 2008, 06:46:54 UTC 8 years ago

Second the biz with the pedicure; I've not had one but

ijk actually has an icon just devoted to such things....

As for "Oops I Ate The Cat", the first two that come to mind are bright blood red, and jet black.... but then, I'm a straight guy and know diddly-boo about nail polish. Take a poll? As said elsewhere, they can do decals and such, too, and can also get stripey and such with it... after all, your basic French treatment is natural with a stripe of white at the tips.... red with a black tip stripe? (I think the other way would look funny m'self...) t'other thing that came to mind is a deep rich gothy burgundy.... but I'd take a poll or do it as comments. But that's just me.

But yay for having a good excuse to get such things! :)

fireriven

July 9 2008, 16:27:26 UTC 8 years ago Edited: July 9 2008, 16:30:27 UTC

Actually, I know several straight guys who know quite a bit about nail polish.

July 9 2008, 16:31:37 UTC 8 years ago

Straight guys? If so, ooooooooooo...........k....

July 9 2008, 16:44:18 UTC 8 years ago

::blinks:: You're saying there's something wrong about heterosexual men knowing something about nail polish? Really? What if they were executives in the nail polish business? What if they just have a good understanding of color and themes which extends to an intuitive understanding of nail polish colors? What if they like to paint their nails? I don't buy that painted nails should be inherently feminine.

July 9 2008, 17:56:08 UTC 8 years ago

Not wrong, just highly unusual. For some reason that's *more* unexpected than Seanan's preference for toxic-green glow-in-the-dark nail polish and pink camo duffels... but then again, I've been reading Seanan since Stars Fall Home was still being recorded, so my sense of what's unusual for her has been.... transmogrified somewhat. Don't have any context for your toe-bepolished friends there...

No, I'm definitely of the opinion that if'n it makes'em happy (and doesn't cause others undeserved grief), go for it... whatever that is... it's just... unusual, that's all. Even for me. And I read Seanan with my breakfast bars, so... :)

July 9 2008, 18:16:08 UTC 8 years ago

I am creeped out by how you used a comment that should have been about men and nail polish to try and prove how much better you think you know Seanan.

July 9 2008, 21:05:44 UTC 8 years ago

*bewilderment*

*wanders off, which is probably the desired effect*

tibicina

8 years ago

July 9 2008, 21:11:23 UTC 8 years ago

July 9 2008, 21:19:45 UTC 8 years ago

You make the assumption that transvestite=homosexual, when it does not. Many, I think possibly even most, transvestites are heterosexual. Certainly the majority of homosexuals are not transvestites.

July 9 2008, 16:58:18 UTC 8 years ago

Well, I can tell you that my (entirely heterosexual) father learned an awful lot about nail polish in self defense while raising a couple of daughters.

Real men wear pink nail polish to work when their 6 year-old daughter wants to paint their nails.

copperwise

July 9 2008, 16:59:08 UTC 8 years ago

LOL. Yeah, straight guys. Like my firmly Kinsey 0 husband, who knows exactly what shades I should wear, what polish is cheap and crappy, and what polish is good. Though I don't think *he* knows what French tips are.

notalwaysweak

July 9 2008, 08:22:23 UTC 8 years ago

Oops I Ate The Cat: leopard print.

July 9 2008, 16:33:58 UTC 8 years ago Edited: July 9 2008, 16:34:21 UTC

Meow! (M-x translate-from-Cat: I'll second that!)

(And hey, it's got Orange :)

Post a new comment
27 comments

Log in

In which Seanan gets a manicure.

Error