quixotic***
To the fall television schedule:
Because you have given me a third season of Chuck and a second season of Fringe, I will let you live. But don't think I'm going to forget that you took Cupid and The Eleventh Hour away from me. I was only just starting to forgive you for Freakylinks, and now you pull this? Uncool, television, uncool. I've got my eye on you. Play nice or prepare to taste my wrath.
***
To Wild Republic:
While I appreciate the ongoing diversity and awesomeness of your Cuddlekins plush collection, I am afraid I have to point out that there are still dinosaurs available in England that I can't get here in North America, and that this is still not okay with me. I need more herbivores! My collection of meat-eaters is starting to look at me funny. Really, since I probably account for a large percentage of your annual sales, shouldn't you be placating me more?
***
To Emily Stone:
Best of luck in your new endeavors. Hack/Slash won't be the same without you.
***
To Lilly and Alice:
I love you. You know that I love you. I love you more than I love almost anything. And if you decide to have another wrestling match on my face at two o'clock in the morning, I'm going to replace you with taxidermy. Soft, fluffy, interesting to look at, does not try to claw me open in the night.
***
To Jane, my alcoholic and emotionally unstable muse:
I do not need to know what happens in the ninth Toby book. Please go drink a pint of absinthe, hook up with a hottie from an under-occupied pantheon, and leave me alone for a little while. I refuse to be responsible for the consequences if you don't.
***
Anybody got any memos?
May 21 2009, 18:07:22 UTC 8 years ago
I loathe you with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. Please go die in a fire, and GIVE ME MY TAXES YOU BLOWHARDS. I was claimed as a dependant by my parents for the final time this tax season, so you DO NOT GET MY FEDERAL TAX REFUND.
Also, stop trying to bend my husband over a sink and have your violent way with him. He needs his meds, and your stupid policies are making it impossible for him to get them without spending $400 a month in medication alone. He likes being sane, so stop it.
~`~`~`~
Dear new awesome job,
I love you to awesomeness, but more hours would rawk. I'm willing to be data entry monkey all morning, and even take on other responsibilities if needed! But full time would rawk more than words can say.
~`~`~`~
Dear Sierra,
I hope your surgery goes well today. Trust me, you will like the lack of heat cycles after this. But I'm sorry we couldn't feed you this morning, and you were so grumpy when we took you to the vet. I promise treats when you get home.
~`~`~`~
Dear me,
Stop being so hard on yourself. You are doing more to make yourself healthy, and are trying to build a life for you and your husband. Given the economy, setbacks are okay. Also, you will look sexy at your sister's wedding if you keep on WW and follow it properly. SEXY IS AWESOME.
P.S. Don't let your mom get to you. She's unaware of a lot going on in your life, so a lot of her opinions aren't valid. We both know you love her, but keep in mind that she's in the dark on a lot of things.
May 21 2009, 18:09:46 UTC 8 years ago
May 21 2009, 19:48:43 UTC 8 years ago
And if I can fit into a size 10 dress at my sister's wedding, I may tackle my husband in joy. :3
May 22 2009, 15:06:45 UTC 8 years ago